Mil belive everything,almost.........
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Mil belive everything,almost.........
| Fri, 01-26-2007 - 5:59pm |
I don't understand why my IL's thing
everyhting bad that is happing in
my marriage is my fault. They want
me to get a job but it seems as soon
as I get a job I end up losing it becuz
something happens or his schdule screws
things up. My husband has been fired twice
from the same job the second time around
he was fired for being supected of stealing
money and he was and in the end he was taking
large amounts of money and saying sexual comments
to alot of the young girls that worked there.
While
thankfully none of these girls pushed it and filed
sexual harrasment against him or the company didn't
try to file charges on him for stealing money. He
has told the IL's that I called his boss and made up
a lie that he was stealing money and of course the
IL's belive him. They get mad at me becuz I
get jobs and lose them as quick as I get them.
He has them convinced that I am not a good mother
and don't do anything around the house which is
totally untrue. I just feel like everyone is ganging
up on me and I feel alone. I'm sick of him being able
to just tell them whatever and they just belive him
so easily. They don't understand how we are so behind
on bills and blame me and think I was spending all the
money and he spend way more money than I did. I think
the MIL is jealous of me becuz I go out sometimes. I
won't let a man tell me what I can and can't do just
becuz I am married and have kids.
I
just wish they really new the truth about it all. If
you made it this far thanks for reading this.
everyhting bad that is happing in
my marriage is my fault. They want
me to get a job but it seems as soon
as I get a job I end up losing it becuz
something happens or his schdule screws
things up. My husband has been fired twice
from the same job the second time around
he was fired for being supected of stealing
money and he was and in the end he was taking
large amounts of money and saying sexual comments
to alot of the young girls that worked there.
While
thankfully none of these girls pushed it and filed
sexual harrasment against him or the company didn't
try to file charges on him for stealing money. He
has told the IL's that I called his boss and made up
a lie that he was stealing money and of course the
IL's belive him. They get mad at me becuz I
get jobs and lose them as quick as I get them.
He has them convinced that I am not a good mother
and don't do anything around the house which is
totally untrue. I just feel like everyone is ganging
up on me and I feel alone. I'm sick of him being able
to just tell them whatever and they just belive him
so easily. They don't understand how we are so behind
on bills and blame me and think I was spending all the
money and he spend way more money than I did. I think
the MIL is jealous of me becuz I go out sometimes. I
won't let a man tell me what I can and can't do just
becuz I am married and have kids.
I
just wish they really new the truth about it all. If
you made it this far thanks for reading this.

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Hi Broken07, welcome to the board!
Let me get this straight....your DH has stolen $$ from his employer, gets fired and then tells his family that you called his job and made up a lie that he was stealing $$? Then he's upset with you because you aren't able to keep a job because of his schedule? On top of that, he is making sexual comments to female co-workers. To top it all of, he tells his family that you aren't a good mother.
Your husband does not sound like a good person. He has lied to his family, gets on your case, etc. He is abusive! He is an ABUSER. There is a board here on ivillage that can help you. The board is called Recognizing and Dealing with Domestic Abuse. Here is the link to the board:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rldomesting
They can help you with resources, etc. for this type of situation. Also, you should seriously consider counseling to deal with all of this. You need to build up your self-confidence and reclaim your life, instead of listening to him and his family tell you how awful you are.
Pleaset let us know how things progress. We care.
Follow me to:
Thanks for your reply. His mother
thinks I am totally crazy. I forgot
to add in the post that his reasoning
for stealing money was becuz he was
getting screwed on bonus which does
still does not make it right. Yea,
he has a real bad problem with being
honest. I worked at the restrunt he
was managing for a bit and after he
got fired some of the girls that
worked
there came up to me and told me about
alot of the sexual comments that had
been made. I also caught him calling
2 or the girls that worked there.
After hearing about all the comments
that he made to some of those girls
I was so embarresed. I wanted to just
walk out right there. Then both my kids
got sick with the flu and then I got
it
from them and it kept me out of work for
almost 2 weeks and they just said don't
come back you called in to many times.
The MIL thinks its my fault why I lost
my job there. When they came here to
visit mil threw a fit about my house
in her messed up mind being filthy
dirty Which it's not. I am the one
that makes my kids get there showeres.
I do all the laundry,sweep the carpets,
mop the floors,all the dusting,90% of
the cooking and my son is in charge of
dishes. I do all the other detail cleaning
of the house as well. I don't know what more
a person can do.
I am going to apply for this
job on Monday that seems to be
something that could work out for
me really well if I get hired.
Decent hourly wage almost what my
husband is making plus they have great
benifits and 401 k. I really hope I
get hired. A girl I know that works
there said I could put her name down
as a refrence. As for my husband he
surely does have issue's.
You poor thing what a jerk your husband is being since it sounds like he did steal the money and him making you the scape goat is unfair to you as well I would tell him to stop the lies take some responsability and start showing you some resepct
HUGS
just hear me out. He was also
stealing money by going around
and selling the company's Gift
certificate's and keeping the
money.
Edited 1/27/2007 5:43 pm ET by broken07
broken, if you are going to stay married to a thief and continue talking to a MIL who criticizes, then you are going to have to be one strong, tough woman. Let their comments come in one ear and roll out the other without sticking in your brain.
Will your kids be ok while you are working? Are they in school? If you wish to work and the kids will be covered, then be smart with the money that you earn. If you would rather stay home and raise your kids, don't be afraid to say so.
they are saying about me in email msgs. The
thing that worrys me is that his mother will
finally convince him to leave me befor I am
well ready for it. As of right now I have
no money,no job,no savings,no family and
no where to go. I had seen in one email
he was thinking of just taking my daugter
to school and just not coming back. I put
up with this for my daughter. she is every
thing. I would kill me to lose her that
way. I went job hunting a couple days ago
and noone wants to hire me becuz I can
only work a few hours a day and I can't
work nights or weekends. I told my husband
if it was that important for me to get a
job he is going to have to change his work
schedule around or live without me having
a job. He makes more than I can make so it
would make no sense for him to change around
his work schedule,kwim? If he wouldn't change
his work times we would have to get daycare
then in which case all the money I do make
would go to daycare what is the point in that???
Edited 2/1/2007 11:11 am ET by broken07
I think that your husband is very lucky that the restaurant didn't press charges or get the police involved. Is he doing anything to correct his behavior? I would suggest that he get some counseling. If he does this again and gets caught, his next boss might not take so kindly. Not only might he be without a job, he might end up in jail. I think that you really need to consider what you would do with the kids and yourself if this happened. Would you be able to support your family?
I know that childcare is really expensive. Do you know of someone who has a home daycare (obviously someone you trust) who might be able to watch an extra child and wouldn't charge you as much as a commercial daycare? Or are there resources where you live for reduced-cost daycare if you don't have a lot of money?
I think that the bigger problem is not with your MIL, it's with your husband. He should not be calling other women and should not be stealing! And your knowledge of the stealing makes it even worse! You don't want to get drawn into this mess. It is not fair to you. I would do everything I could to get him help and also start saving some money on your own in case you need to leave or in case he has a run in with the law and can't provide.
I know that you said you put up with this for your daughter, but do you love him? What is your relationship like? I don't mean that you should ditch him, but what sort of message are you sending to your daughter by accepting his behavior? He is not being a good role model for his daughter (even if she doesn't know what's going on now, eventually she will get older and figure it out). What would you recommend to your daughter if she were in your shoes? Maybe this will help you figure out what you should do.
Anyway, I'm sorry that you are going through this, and I hope that you find a job soon that makes you happy.
I am so sorry to hear you are stuck in this way. Do continue seeking any kind of money-making that can be worked around the kids - something you do at home during school hours, or during kids' sleeping hours. Though I can understand why this kind of job would be hard to come by!
Do you have family that would be a support to you if your husband should walk out and not come back? About these hurtful e-mails, I think you should consider not reading them. It is just causing you stress and fear. And it makes it even harder for you to put on a face that appears kind and loving for your husband. I don't know if he is worth the effort, that is your decision. But if you have decided that this marriage is where you need to be right now, then you need to be all the way in it. Show him appreciation. Or he will walk.
places I went to (a restrunt) the manager about
laughed after looking over my application and
said so you can only work from 10am to 2pm and
I said yes and then he said so if you get slammed
at 1:30 and you have to leave at 2pm to pick your
kids up from school you'd just be giving away the
money (tips) you could have made by having to leave
all your tables. He ended by saying he couldn't hire
someone with such a small availabilty. He made me feel
so stupid. I just shook his hand and said thanks and
walked out. I have no idea what else I can do for money.
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