Do I want this for the rest of my life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Do I want this for the rest of my life?
5
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 7:38pm

Well, just came back from a week off work for a funeral. Travelled and stayed with my parents and he stayed with his parents. Luckily he no longer expects me to stay at his parents. Thank god some of what you guys have helped me with has worked wonders. Thank you all :)

My next query is; Boyfriend won't talk to parents about the stuff they say about me behind my back or the stuff they do/say straight to me. He doesn't want to rock the boat. I stand up for myself well and truely when it is to my face. However, it frustrates me that they say silly stuff at all. It is not major life changing stuff. Example; they said they would come and stay for holidays. They were supposed to stay on weekends and go home during the week. This is because we work long hours and won't be home much during the week. Instead they stayed almost the whole time, and drove me crazy. boyfriend couldn't ask his parents to leave the house.

Grow some balls forgoodnessake. Well, I know now he won't because I asked him if he will ever stand up to his parents. Ever. And he said no.

I can't help but think, do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who can't stand up to his parents? It is not big stuff that means breaking up. At least I think. Its the little stuff like them standing in my kitchen at 11pm expecting me to make boyfriend lunch for the next day because its easier to cook it now than at 5am aparently. I wasn't going to do it at 11pm let alone 5am. Hello, lunch truck!

They dive me insane.

thoughts??

reason I am forward thinking for the rest of my life is because he wants to get married. But his mum and dad are the kind of people who are opinionated. A friend had only 2 sisters for her bridesmaids and she actually has 4. Aparently the girl was "selfish" for only wanting 2 of her sisters and 1 of her friends as bridesmaids. She should have had all 5. As far as I am concerned the friend can do what she wants its not selfish as those girls will have their own weddings to enjoy. Point is, if we get married, man am I going to have all sorts of trouble. Cos I don't want a wedding. Hello eloping!! And it was none of her freakin business what someone does with her bridesmaids anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 12:28am
If he isn't ever going to stand up for you, you have to decide whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who is like that. If you marry him, you will always be second best to his family, even if you are married to him. Is that what you want? Only you can decide.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 11:44am
I agree with Raeanne. I once dated a guy like that. He could never say no to Mommy. She told him to break up with me and he did. He bought me a promise ring and she made him get it back from me. He was a total Mama's boy. After about a year I got sick of him always putting me last and decided that I had had enough. I broke up with him. I was stupid and tried one more time but the same things happened. We fought all the time and it just wasn't good. I am glad that I broke up with him for good because about 4-5 months later I met and fell in love with Dh. He was everything I ever wanted. Although we have had some issues with his mom, which are now no more, we have a pretty good marriage. We will be celebrating 10 years this April. My point is, if you decide that this guy isn't for you (which to me he isn't) you will find someone much better down the road.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 5:45pm

blood truely is thicker than water - in some families.

I just don't get why a person would want to act like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 1:49pm

"I asked him if he will ever stand up to his parents. Ever. And he said no."

That would be a deal-breaker for me. JMO.

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Registered: 01-06-2005
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 11:17am
I would tell bf don't let the door hit your hiney on the way out. He will never stand up for you, and if it happens by some miracle it will probably be after years of anger, frustration and seperating from him. It's so not worth it, You deserve much better then that!