Marriage probs causing in-law probs

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Marriage probs causing in-law probs
3
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 12:44pm
I have been married for almost 5 yrs and am expecting baby #4 (so yes, my hormones are playing a role in everything, but...). We have been having some serious marital problems (husband has a VERY active social life and works long hours during the week, so him not being home enough is starting to take a toll on me). He talked to his mom and 2 aunts about our problems (but of course, it's only his side of the story and they don't think he's doing anything wrong), so now, his family is starting to be very different towards me. They talk to each other like I'm not in the room (like asking if my kids should be doing this or that, when I'm sitting right there!) or they just ignore me. This is coming from a family who I used to get along great with, so it's hard to see how quick they're turning on me!! I just want my husband to be home more, and they just want him wherever they are (even if it means that me and the kids are home without him), so it's a little touchy, but I just wish they'd treat me like they usually do. Do you think I should avoid family get-togethers until this passes (which hopefully it will), or should I just continue on like normal? It's really haunting me because I feel guilty when I start to get a little frustrated around them (but it's hard to control the emotions right now!).
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 2:33pm

Speak up. When they talk like you don't exist, tell them that YOU ARE in the room and they can speak to YOU. If they continue to ignore you, take your kids and leave. And do not go back or allow the kids around them until they can act decently toward you. You would not want them to badmouth you to your kids or in front of the kids. Also, where is your husband when his family act like you are not there?

They probably won't like you standing up for yourself, but you have to learn not to worry about it.

As far as your DH, he had no right to badmouth you to his family. If he HAD to have a very active social life, he should not have married and had children. He should have stayed single. When you have kids and a spouse, your priority is them, not social occasions, or your Mommy and faaaaaamily of origin.

Have you ever asked him why he bothered to marry and have children if he doesn't want to spend ANY time with you guys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 7:20pm

I totally agree with Mom2danjam. If they start talking to about you like you are invisible, let them know that you are IN THE ROOM. If they keep it up, don't go back over there. Let DH go by himself and you and the kids can stay behind.

Why did your DH decide to badmouth you to his family? Did he realize that may cause problems? I realize everyone has to have somewhere to vent, but by him saying something, he has caused problems.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 12:51pm

If you have not already done so, you need to tell your husband that his complaints to his mother have caused his mother to treat you differently. That you have no interest in attending any family functions until he has cleared up this mess that he made. If he wants you and his mom to get along, he will take care of it. If he WANTS you to be uncomfortable with his mom, so he can have her to himself, then that is what he will have.

I think you must be very brave, to have 4 kids knowing that you will have to raise them pretty much alone (since he spends so much time away from home). I only have one kid, so your tension and the heavy burden you carry seems overwhelming to me! I hope that you have other great family, neighbors and friends and that you are very creative at getting a little relaxation for yourself now and then. Take good care of yourself and good luck delivering the new baby!