children left out of will
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children left out of will
| Tue, 01-30-2007 - 11:19pm |
My husband's uncle has been a bachelor all of his life. He likes our middle son best and it is sounding like he is the only one of our three boys in his will. My husband says it is none of his business and there isn't anything he can do. If he says anything to his uncle then none of them will get anything. I told him I'd rather have it be nothing at all than to have our other two sons get hurt by this. I love my children equally, and I am deeply upset by this. HELP!!!

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Have you seen the will? Do you know for a fact that your child has been mentioned?
Sometimes in life, things seem unfair and may not be "equal". Kids need to learn that fact of life. Maybe he is leaving something for all of them, maybe he is leaving nothing at all. It is HIS estate. You are worrying about something that might not even happen, or might not happen for a long time.
I would think it was nice that a relative left one of my children something, even if they didn't leave something for every one of them.
I agree with your husband. Don't sweat it and certainly don't say anything.
Edited 1/31/2007 8:40 am ET by mom2danjam
I know it seems unfair and divisive to you, but there isn't anything you can do about it. it's his money and his estate and it's nothing whatsoever to do with you who he leaves it to. He can leave it all to his cat, to your son, to some charity importing rare Australian frogs if he wants. Anything you do or say about it is likely to cause an unnecessary fight. Let it go - life is unfair. Your children will always encounter problems of having differing talents, opportunities, friends, money etc, and they'll have to learn how to deal with it, whether it's an unfair bequest from an uncle, a chance at a scholarship, a field trip or even just 5 minutes with you that their brother doesn't get. When it comes to the time to make your *own* will (which I hope you have done!!) with your own money, that's the time to ensure that your own children are treated fairly and equally. Or give it all to the cat and teach them once and for all that life is unfair :-)
Truly, let it go, no good on any level can come of trying to do anything about it, you'll just piss off the uncle, your DH, your kids and your wider family.
Kirsty
But I want to add that I do sympathize with you. I had a similar experience...but instead of the money going to a family member it went to the library in NYC...lots of money...but I don't even see a little bronze plaque with the name on it. Oh well....like my older and wiser brother said to me, you can only count on yourself in this life and teach your kids to do the same.
My husband didn't graduate high school. Not that he doesn't regret it. But, that does not stop him from placing value on education for our sons. He is adamant that they finish high school and go either to trade school or college. Also, he makes more money in the construction industry than a lot of college grads we know.
Why do you associate with someone who calls your children "stupid and lazy"? Who really cares what he thinks, really? Why would you even want your kids to have anything from such a nasty old man?
Let him do what he wants with his money and his nasty attitude. Stay away from both. You will feel much better than you do. And please, don't lose hope on your middle child. He may just come around yet.
Quite frankly, if your other two sons would resent their brother getting something they don't, then they really need to get over it. The sooner that they realize that life is not fair, the better off they are.
Edited 1/31/2007 2:56 pm ET by mom2danjam
Hi Mom, julsie, welcome to the board!
I agree with your husband that what his uncle leaves is none of his business. It is not of anyone's concern what his uncle leaves to anyone. What his uncle wants to leave and to whom is HIS business! I honestly don't think you have a right to be upset about this.
So, I guess you'd rather say something so that all of your kids get something from the uncle. You would rather have all of your kids get something because you say something and not because that is what the uncle wants? Do you think that is fair?
Again, I don't see this as being anyones' business whatsoever. Actually, I think you have a lot of nerve thinking that all of your kids should get something or none of them should get anything. That isn't for you to decide and is for the uncle to decide, since it his money, assets and belongings.
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I have to agree with the others, that you are stepping out of your bounds when you try to rationalize dictating to the unce who he will leave his money to. For whatever reason he prefers your middle son, while it seems to me that you prefer the other two.. That's his choice and you can't control any of that.
Teach your son to be a good person.. that's all that matters right now!!
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