Favor or taking advantage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
Favor or taking advantage?
6
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 10:34am
My husband and I have this fight every time it comes to going out and having my in-laws watch our child. Whenever we ask my MIL to watch our child, she drags over my 32 year old, still living at her apartment, non-employed BIL (who owes us a lot of money) to our home along with their loads of laundry. She “jokingly” tells me that this is her payment for watching her grandchild. I feel they are taking advantage of using our home and using grandchild as an excuse to use our washer/dryer, play with my DH’s X-Box, eat our food and drink beer(!!!). Whenever we have to go out (which is about 6 times a year), I pray someone else can watch our child to avoid fights with my DH about having them over to baby-sit. I feel like we are being walked all over. I've even offered to drop our child off at their place to make it easier, but they insist on my house. My husband thinks I am being a pain in the neck, not to mention, ungrateful. Any feedback?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 10:42am
Money really can be the root of all evil. I think if you are unhappy with this setup you need to find a regular babysitter and just don't go out until you do. I wouldn't particularly mind the laundry or the X-Box thing, but I couldn't have a sitter that drank while on duty...
One piece of advice I got when I was pregnant first time was "Find a babysitter"...still true!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 10:50am

Hmm. Does your MIL stay sober enough to keep your child safe? Do they clean up their messes before they leave? (if no, it should be Hubby's responsibility to clean up after his mom) Do they tend to put things back when finished? Do they stay out of personal areas of your home?

If all of these are answered yes, then it sounds like a fair trade, even though the "payment" is annoying to you.

If any of these are "no" (except MIL staying sober enough to keep your child safe, obviously that's a deal breaker no matter what mommy's little boy says) is there a way to work around it? As in hubby cleans up after his mother and brother, lock your bedroom door, etc.

Can you try lining up a reliable sitter well before time to need one?

ilve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 11:07am
If it was just my MIL it would be mildly annoying, but BIL hasn't worked in 2 years and has borrowed thousands of dollars from us, not to mention doesn't even particularly like me or DH. He's a very surly character and doesn't particularly speak to me or DH when he comes over for anything. Just wants to do his laundry, put him up for the night, drink out liqour (nasty drunk) use our phone, computer, etc. I feel like my husband lets him walk all over us. MIL philosophy on his behavior is ignorance is bliss...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 11:12am
heck yes this would annoy the tar outta me! I am a very private person and I wouldn't like Mil and (as luck would have it or not) I too have a deadbeat bil who lives with Mommy) come over use my washer/dryer, eat all my food, drink beer around my child while I was NOT home and played XBox. It sounds like they really like the arrangement, what's not to like. I do belive they are taking advantage and their doing it by using The Babysitting card. You said yourself you wish someone else would babysit, so It's not like your begging them to watch your child. It's your dh that likes it. I would tell your dh you want to Cut back on their coming over, have another sitter come over that does their job, WATching your child, not playing house in your Home, or refuse to go out with him again! But hey that's my two cents. I would like to think my dh would never do that to me because we respect eachothers feelings. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 12:16pm

You can pay your "sitter" with money, or pay with use of a washing machine... it sounds like that is not what is getting your goat. Your skin crawls at the thought of the useless brother. I can TOTALLY relate to this. However, remember that we are in charge of how much we are going to fret over any particular thing. You are in charge of just how much you and your husband are going to struggle over this. Here's something to think about:

My father has a brother who hates to work, was always a bum and a burden on his family. My mother would make a nasty face if anyone even said his name. Even though she knew all about him when they married, she made my Dad listen to a lot of grumping about his brother, who he could DO NOTHING ABOUT. Here's a great irony. After all the years of giving Dad grief, my mom raised a son who is an even bigger pain than this Uncle. My brother combines being a nasty drunk on top of all the bad traits my Uuncle has. And I spent my teens grumping at my mom 10 times louder than all the grumping she gave to her own husband over his brother.

When I got to my later teens, I came to realize that Mom could do nothing about her son, and I was just causing her pain for NO REASON.

I hope that you can find a way to give your husband a break. He cannot fix his brother, and he cannot make his mother dump him, either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 8:15am
i don't think she should give her husand a break. I think mil or her dh should say Bil needs to stay at home or No babysitting. I mean I am sooooo tired of parents treating their adult children like little precious glass. It's called enabling them. The OP wants her home back without the unnessary mil and bil visits when she really would like another person to watch her child NOT the inlaws and their home invasion that it entails!