Love her but.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Love her but.....
7
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 2:45pm

My MIL is a sweet woman but she gets on my last nerve.

1. She refuses to just set my DD down for a nap and walk away. She holds her, rocks her, and if she cries, runs back to get her. At the end of the day, the child is exhausted from no nap. UGH!

2. Refuses to make decisions. Piddles around the idea and the last minute, normally will disappoint me.

3. Is too pushy when it comes to what she chooses to be called as a grandmother. My son is her step-grandson, but she says she does not feel that way about him. My husband's name is Shane so he calls her Gramma Shane. It's adorable. She has two bio grandkids, our nephew, and our DD. She had a dream that our nephew was running toward her and called her "Mama'" pronounced ma-MAH. It sounds Italian or something and it reminds me of momma and I don't like it. Plus it was her dream of our nephew. She refuses to allow the two bios to think of anything else to call her and my SIL is playing into it and our nephew says it. Their business. I have not nor will I tell DD to say it. She is 21 months now and has yet to say it. My DH hates it, his brother hates it, and my MIL's ister thinks it's stupid. No one likes it but her and when we mention letting our DD decide what she will call her, she throws a fit. "NO! It's Mama', nothing else!" I'm fed up with that. And since my son calls her something else, I feel it would set him aside even more and feel like a step. You know??

4. She hates her youngest sister and when we visit her sister, we have to keep it a secret because she has told my husband that she'd disown him if he had a relationship with his aunt. Petty crap. I'm so over her. MY ex MIL is cooler than this woman.

Melissa

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 11:25am
Also she is very uptight and seems to want to avoid my family and she refuses to speak of her late husband who was a hero. I hope she will allow her grandchildren to know what kind of man he was. But at least I have my husband to tell my kids about him. She doesn't even have photos of him out anymore and my son is asking me why....

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 2:30pm

1. Ok. You need to put your foot down on this. Tell her that your dd needs a nap and that she will be left alone. No negotiating. If she goes in and gets her, take your dd from her and out her back to bed. You are the Mommy here not her. You need to take back control.

2. Refuses to make decisions as far as what?

3. First of all she isn't your dd's bio grandma unless your Dh came from her. Which I am gathering he isn't? Even so, this isn't a battle worth having. Your kids will call her whatever they want. Mama is another term for Mother, not a Grandma. Let her know that will only confuse the kids and maybe Grandmama would be better. That way she still gets the Mama part, but doesn't sound like she is their Mother.

4. So what if she disowns him? He is an adult and she can NOT forbid him to see anyone in the family he wants. He needs to tell her that. He needs to start acting like a grown man and not a little boy around her. He needs to tell her that her issues with her sister are just that, her issues. That he is not apart of it and never will be, and if she doesn't like it, go lay and egg. ;)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Baby Slings at Nurtured Family

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 2:51pm

1. When I'm around her, I take control and make sure my dd gets to sleep. But if she watches my kkids on her own, I do not have that control even though she knows my wishes. I know she did not follow them when my dd comes home tired. I rarely allow her to watch either child now.

2. We ask her a favor or any thing for that matter and she cannot decide for herself....she needs us to tell her what to do. It's annoying. Espcially when she puts us off for hours or even days to decide.

3. My DS is not her bio grandchild. DD is. I feel the same, they will call her what they choose. My son calls her a darling name. My DD will hear that and probably call her the same. She looks up to her bubba. So why would that be bad? But MIL is forcing the issue for Mama'!

4. I don't care if she disowns him and neither does he. He has talked to her about this many times and told her that she needs to grow up as do her sisters. None of them listen, but I feel it is rude of her to say this to either of us.

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 3:55pm

1. When I'm around her, I take control and make sure my dd gets to sleep. But if she watches my kkids on her own, I do not have that control even though she knows my wishes. I know she did not follow them when my dd comes home tired. I rarely allow her to watch either child now.

***So don't leave your child alone with her.

2. We ask her a favor or any thing for that matter and she cannot decide for herself....she needs us to tell her what to do. It's annoying. Espcially when she puts us off for hours or even days to decide.

****Don't ask a control freak for any favors. She enjoys making you twist in the wind.

3. My DS is not her bio grandchild. DD is. I feel the same, they will call her what they choose. My son calls her a darling name. My DD will hear that and probably call her the same. She looks up to her bubba. So why would that be bad? But MIL is forcing the issue for Mama'!

****Tell her under NO uncertain terms, that she is NOT their mother, and will NOT be called "mama" or any other name even close to it.

4. I don't care if she disowns him and neither does he. He has talked to her about this many times and told her that she needs to grow up as do her sisters. None of them listen, but I feel it is rude of her to say this to either of us.

****Then stay away as much as you can. When she says this, tell her that it is of supreme indifference to you and DH if she disowns him or not, as it would be her loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 1:22am

1. I think you need to tell her that either she puts your child down for a nap with no rocking, etc. or you will need to do it yourself.

2. As far as decisions, if she doesn't make a decision, you make your own and stick to it regardless what she comes up with at the last minute.

3. She is NOT the grandmother and therefore should not be insisting on being called "grandma."

4. His mother would disown him if she finds out she has a relationship with his aunt? That is just wrong. As my mother says, if you have a relationship with someone and that relationship is contingent upon a relationship with someone else, then that 1st relationship isn't worth anything.








Follow me to:



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 8:59am
I try my best never to allow her to keep the children alone. Especially since she pulled a health scare on me. I had to allow her to keep my DD for a few days once when she was an infant just learning to sit. She sat with one foot behind her and the other stretched forward like a Z almost. Well my paranoid SIL said that it was a sign of Cerebral Palsy. She looks for things to be wrong. Anything she sees that is unusual TO HER, she goes to the computer and looks it up and panics. Well, MIL told me this and of course because she is a hypochondriac, I did not take it seriously. I did have a Dr's appt for her a few weeks later and I mentioned this to her Pedi who told me to NEVER let them watch her alone again because since neither of them are physicians, they have no right to diagnose. Also, she said the notion that my DD could have a neurological problem is false and she is above normal for everything and developing wonderfully. The way she sits has no bearing on her brain functions. I told MIL this and she said, "Well I read it online, J sent it to me. I'd get a 2nd opinion." Whatever!

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 9:08am
She is the grandmother to DD, not DS. DS is mine from a previous marriage. But she claims him, which I think is wonderful. BUT, she doesn't insist he call her grandma, he chose to call her that. As for DD, she is the bio grandchild, but MIL insists on Mama', and I hate it plus it sounds like momma. I will put my foot down on that. NOT gonna happen.

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker