coping with mother in law after baby
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| Fri, 02-02-2007 - 6:59pm |
My husband and his mother have always been very, VERY attached, we've been married almost 10 years and I'd almost come to terms with this because we live in separate countries so I figured that I'd try to let it slide for the periods of time that we were together. But last year with the arrival of our first baby things really started to get out of hand. My husband invited his mother to stay with us for three months, without even asking my opinion first. I was furious, so I confronted him and he got upset because he didn't understand how I could complain when my family has been so mean to him and his has always been good to me. This is true, my family has been terrible at times, but I have responded by standing up to them and keeping them at bay, my husband barely ever has to deal with them. And it's true his mother has been perfect, too perfect, she is beyond criticism, she can do no wrong, therefore I can never disagree with anything that comes from his mother. So she came for three months and all of a sudden she was doing grocery lists and had a cleaning schedule and I felt like a guest in my own home. But to husband it was another proof of how his mother is so nice and helpful. When she finally left I felt huge relief.
Now I'm trying to finish school so my husband suggested that his mother could come help while I go to school (twice a week), for about a month. I was very hesitant but I accepted because I figured she'll be coming anyways and a month isn't so bad and our baby would be better of with his grandmother than at daycare. Then I decided to be gracious and suggested to my husband that she might as well be there for our baby's first birthday. Now I'm deeply regretting trying to give in a little because his family has just INFORMED us they're sending my husband's niece for her summer vacation and somehow this has resulted in a two month extension of my mother in-law's stay to a grand total of 4 months! I told my husband how unhappy I was with the situation and he said he understood, but she's helping us out, and it'll be ok. So no change. I'm going nuts, I don't know how I'll cope.

I would simply tell your family that you will already have company during that time and that you cannot accommodate your niece at this point in time. If they get angry, tell them that you need a lot of head notice especially now that you have an infant son to care for.
You are already stressed out by your MIL and that coupled with a small child to care for and trying to finish school, you don’t need anything else. Besides, 4 months of anyone’s mother, his or yours is too long.
Put your foot down with this issue or you will find that you will always be subject to their needs.
KICK the MIL out of your house. I am a firm believer in something called my personal space. Unfortuanetly for you, the MIL has invaded yours. I have had to kick my MIL out of my house before. Trust me, it is bad but once your DH sees how serious you are about the MIL being nerve racking, he should understand. I think that if you're old enough to have a baby, you're old enough to say rather or not you need help with your baby...right! If I were you~ tell your Dh either one of you are going to have to tell the MIl to leave. Suggest that you can call if you need help. I have a baby and when I had my son, the only person that helped me was my DH and that is because he took vacation. I didn't want any help other than him. So, it is ok to step on some toes. I think that your DH will understand...
GOOD LUCK
Laura