difficult future mother in law

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
difficult future mother in law
4
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 2:10am

Hi I need some advice because I am contemplating the future of my relationship with my boyfriend due to problems with his mother. I am 29 years old and I have been together with my boyfriend for two years. His mother has always been difficult and very protective of her son. I always felt that she didn't like me and is very fake with me. In spite of all this, I have always given her respect and kindness never showing any resentment because I know my boyfriend is very close to her. But recently we have been discussing marriage and he wants to propose and get a ring. I found out that his mother is not very supportive of this idea. she wants him to stop wasting his money on me and does not want me to pressure him to get married. I felt so hurt by her words because I never pressured him to marry me. I never brought marriage up....he was the one that wanted to get engaged as soon as possible.

I just feel very sad and it started to make me think twice about marrying a guy that has a mom like this. I am not only marrying him but also his mom. She does have influence on him and I don't want to be put into a position where I feel horrible by what this woman does. I don't want to be worrying about how she is influencing him this way or that. What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 2:25am

I got married 3 yrs ago and I had problems with my in laws then and still do now. My husband sides with them and our marriage looks as though it may not last another year.

Please have your boyfriend work out and resolve this issue with his mom asap he has to put his foot down now or else it will go on forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 8:17am
Now would be a great time for some pre-marital counseling. It can help with any number of issues including the one with his mother, so you don't even need to use that as the exclusive reason that you want counseling.
http://www.paganedge.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 11:35am
You need to establish an open relationship with her...meaning you can tell her what you think and she can tell you. Do it now because once you are married, it is too late. Tell her you heard she did not support your plans to marry her son and ask her why. She may have a false impression on you and this is is causing her to say what she did. Is your bf telling you this or are you hearing it elsewhere? You are marrying her son, but not her. His family is in the mix, but you are only marrying each other. You leave your families to establish a home with your new partner. This is how it is meant to be. The others must knock on your door to enter, they should call first before driving over, if you were married to them as well, they'd have keys to your home and free run of it. They will not, I assume. Establish boundaries now and talk to BF. He should tell his mother that it is HIS idea to propose and you had nothing to do with his decision other than the fact that he loves you and chose YOU. His decision to marry is not up for discussion and she needs to accept it or move on.

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 1:09pm

How did you find out that his mother had said that stuff?


The only thing you really can do is to have a talk with your BF about why his mother doesn't like you. If he isn't willing to be honest, go directly to the source. You don't have to be accusitory or brazen about it. You could say to her "I get the feeling that you don't really like me, and I was wondering if I'd done something or somehow offended you?" Sure, she might plaster on the fake and lie through her teeth that she adores you, or she might tell you why she doesn't. Either way, her answer, or your BF's answer when you go to him first will help you decide how to procede.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket