Visiting Mother-in-law with dogs

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Visiting Mother-in-law with dogs
3
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 8:57am

My husband and I live in a two bedroom apartment with our daughter Katie. My parents live locally, but my husband’s parents (who are divorced) live out of state. My biggest problem is my mother-in-law. She lives four hours away from her only child and constantly wants to visit her first grandchild or have us visit her. When she comes to visit she brings her two inside dogs (who btw never are up-to-date on their shots).

My daughter has just turned two months old and my mother-in-law is wanting to come visit this weekend. I asked my husband if he would tell her to not bring the dogs along this time considering that the last time of the dogs vomited all across the apartment. He got all defensive saying that I was putting conditions on his family visiting us. I felt it was the least he could do considering while I was pregnant he wouldn’t help me enforce personal space boundaries and let his mom kiss and fawn over my pregnant belly. (He would tell me that she just misses us and is excited about her new grandchild and I should just deal with it for those couple of days during the visit.) I am stressed out and feeling like he doesn’t care about my feelings.

Please give me some advice on how to deal with an overbearing mother-in-law and a husband that doesn’t understand the needs of his wife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:16am
If she really misses seeing her son and his family, she will kennel the dogs and come alone or kennel them in your town. I would not back down or allow your DH to guilt you into compromising on this issue. If you do not want dogs in your home with a new baby (who will soon be crawling and playing on that floor), I would just not allow it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 1:03pm
Make it easy on your husband and take matters into your own hands. She is coming, and the dogs are not. Totally approach the subject of her visit from that angle and do not stray. Call her up and excitedly talk with her about her visit. Say "we're so glad you're coming, but we don't want you to bring the dogs." You can tell her you don't want your child around animals yet, say that you'll all be so busy with doing things and the baby that the dogs will be neglected and it's better for them to stay where she lives, whatever, but do not give in. Don't put her on the defensive by saying that the dogs are anything negative. Nothing about their shots, them vomiting, them lowering the sanitary rate of the house, etc. It's all about the baby and how you're looking forward to her coming. Bringing the dogs is not even up for question. If she complains, nags, attempts to manipulate, etc just repeat over and over "I'm sorry to dissapoint you, but the dogs aren't welcome right now. We can't wait to see you!". Over and over, that sentense.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 1:36pm

You are a mommy now. You will be called upon, again and again, to defend your family. Dig deep and find the Mama Bear in there. She will help you to have the courage to stand up, sweetly and kindly, to anyone who would cause strife in your home. Lots of good suggestions so far. Hopefully you will find success with them.

I am very sorry that your husband reacted the way that he did. We can see that you are not trying to keep his mother away, but just protecting the nest like a good mom. I think that you should tell him that you are going to let his mom know that she is wanted, but without the dear doggies. If he balks, tell him that you want $500 cash today, because you are going to have to have the carpets professionally cleaned, and you and baby will need to stay a motel for a couple days while the carpets dry and the chemicals in the air settle back down (carpet cleaning always makes me so ill for about a week, yuck).