Selfish wife or concerned mom?
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Selfish wife or concerned mom?
| Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:14am |
A couple of weekends ago, my son burned his hand (2nd degree burns) on our stove while under the care of my DH, MIL and BIL. DH called me up and told me about the situation and told me that our son was screaming for me. Upon my return, my son was screaming so loud, that it could be heard from outside of the house. I ran in to take a look and was upset to find my in-laws and husband drinking vodka and playing X-Box while our child was in agony. I was wondering if that is why he burned his hand. They were kinda passing him around and saying, “there’s nothing we can do.” Before I reached home, my MIL slopped anti-biotic cream all over the burn and told me there was “nothing you can do” about the situation. Looking at the burned/blistering hand, my first response was to go to ER but I was chided by DH as being an “over reactive” mother about the situation. Of course MIL told me once again “What can you do?” They continued to drink and play while I ran around the house looking for a small bucket to place his hand in cool water and to put some silver sulfacide on the burn. Trying to comfort my son, I kept wondering why none of them even considered calling a doctor or taking him to the ER. I was so upset and grew more aggravated by their socializing and talking my ear off about office gossip and other things that meant nothing to me while my son was crying in my face. I took him to the doctor the following day only to get raised eyebrows about how he needed to get on oral antibiotics right away to prevent infection and “how come you didn’t take him to the ER?”, etc. I almost felt like the situation was growing suspicious of me especially when I took him to daycare and people were stunned that I didn’t take him the ER right away. I feel so guilty for not taking him to the hospital on my gut feeling and for being so angry with them. I know accidents happen, but their lack of taking the seriousness of the situation disturbs me. I’m apprehensive about leaving my child with my MIL and BIL and my DH won’t hear about hiring a babysitter since they are more than willing to watch him and how experienced my MIL is since she raised 4 kids of her own, etc. My husband also encourages them to have wine, beer or spirits while watching our son against my wishes. It always becomes a big fight since his family has drinking problems and I don’t think that should be around young children. Am I a selfish, nag of a wife to be criticizing his family not wanting to let them supervise or am I right to have reservations about having the in-laws over to baby-sit?

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OMG!!!!!
Please ask your doctor to write a note about how serious your child's injury was, and how the expected response to such a burn would be a visit to the ER, get that tatooed on your husbands forehead and slap the back of his head!!
Okay, okay. Do get the letter from the doctor, when you hand it to your husband tell him that since he has shown himself incapable of caring for your (plural) son you will no longer put that burden on him and his irresponsible mother. Then line up a babysitter you *can* trust, and either kick his worthless butt to the curb or at least get him into counseling so he can learn to be a *GOOD* father!
I am so sorry he let that happen! Poor little guy! Is he better today?
{{{{hugs}}}}
ilve2read
"My husband is the real problem because he won't put his foot down, but he tells me I'm being too hard on them."
In this situation, if my own child's safety was in question, I would never leave the child alone with my husband or his parents. Your husband is telling you that his parents feelings are more important to him than you or your baby's safety. Knowing that they are incapable of caring for the baby and not using good judgement to protect him from danger or get help when an accident does happen, you are placing your child in danger.
Edited 2/7/2007 12:30 pm ET by fluffy42052
"I know I should forgive and forget"
Who says? I am not in the habit of forgiving people if they don't acknowledge that they were wrong, and ASK for forgiveness. And nothing short of head trauma is going to make you forget.
I prefer the old saw: "Live and Learn."
You have received valuable experience here. Learn from it. One good thing you learned is that at least they will call you if your child is so injured that he won't stop screaming. After all, it cuts into their fun. If I were you, and did not feel the need to do the drastic thing (divorce), then I would have to dream up ways to make sure my child stays safe. I would bet money that you can find one person in your community who has a child and will swap babysitting with you for free. You watch their kid, then they watch yours. It costs your husband nothing. If a day comes when your husband insists you leave the child with his mom, then do whatever you have got to do to make that babysitting episode VERY SHORT. And you can call your MIL every hour, to see how things are going.
Forgive and forget? That is only for a very limited set of circumstances. Unless you are a god or a saint, LOL!
Not to be the bearer of bad news but CYA. Make sure your work has your hours documented and keep a journal of what happened and anything else related to your son's care now and in the future ESPECIALLY around the MIL & BIL. If the Dr suspects neglect/abuse he by law MUST Report it. SO don't be surprised if someone knocks on your door. IF they do make sure they know that DH, MIL & BIL were DRINKING & PLAYING VIDEO GAMES During and After this happened AND THEY BULLIED (YEP THAT IS THE WORD) BULLIED YOU INTO NOT TAKING HIM TO THE ER.
You need to call the Dr and set an appointment to have a meeting with him and DH. Also ask that the Dr call you ahead of time and give him a heads up to the situation (the history of alcohol abuse and USAGE During the Watching of your SON) Let the Dr know that you REALLY Want to have him talk to your DH about the Fact that This IS NOT WHO SHOULD WATCH YOUR SON!!!
You need to put your son ahead of your husband and if he is being a donkey's behind then he needs to be kicked to the curb.
Good Luck and PLEASE TAKE CARE OF THAT ANGEL
Frances
Proud Wife & SAHM
Oh my gosh. You are a concerned mom, and have a selfish husband. If it were me, it'd be over. I would not ever be able to stay with a man who would allow the physical pain of his child in the manner which you've described. To choose his parents over his own son is dispicable. I would be beating myself up with the guilt of not following my instincts to go to the ER, and I'd beat myself with the guilt all the way to a lawyers office and the police station to see if I can charge them with reckless endangerment of a child, child abuse, neglect, you name it I'd be finding out it all, because I'd need it documented so his parents could never ever be around my child again.
It's not the burned hand. Honestly, he could easily have hurt himself in your care just as in theirs. It's the lack of action, and the fact that they were more concerned with drinking and playing videogames. Come on, who does that?!? In my not humble opinion, they are evil. They can't be bothered the disturbance of their fun, and force the small helpless boy to suffer. That's evil. They lied up and down about there being "nothing they can do", because duh, they can take him to the ER and have it checked out and give him some sort of pain medication. I think you made a mistake in the person you chose to father your child, and you should get out now before any more damage is done to your child.
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