Future Sister-In-Law

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
Future Sister-In-Law
2
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 1:25pm

I am not sure how this is going to sound. I don't want to sound like a bitchy person but I guess I need to vent this out and discuss it somewhere. My brother is getting married in April (2 months away) and I am slightly concerned that the woman he is marrying may not be the best person for him. It's not that I don't like her, she is a nice person and I am glad that he found someone. The problem is that when they are together they are always yelling, complaining about something or being rude and disrespectful to each other. She seems very harsh on him, she does not see any problem with making disrespectful or hurtful comments to him in front of his family or friends ann I get the feeling that it bothers him. I also see no affection between them whatsoever which is strange but maybe some couples are like that. I have talked to my mom about this and I thought she would think I was crazy but she actually understood where I was coming from and says she knows that I mean. She has said that she worries sometimes that he feels stuck in the relationship. My brother lives with his future wife and her family so if they were not together, well he would have no home. I guess it just worries me because I wish when I saw them together they were being nice to each other, and looking like a happy couple. And this has not just been since the wedding planning (which I know adds stress), this is how it's been for awhile.

I guess I just want him to be happy but I just wonder if he truely is happy. I know this may sound like I am mean but I think it's my way of thinking about him and protecting him even though he is my older brother. But he is my only other sibling and we are very close. It's a strange situation but if anyone has any advice I would appreciate it.

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 1:50pm

If your brother didn't want to marry or live with this woman, surely as an adult, he could get his own place.

Men generally don't do what they don't want to do, in my experience. You also don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Perhaps he is just as rude to her when he is alone with her. Who really knows?

My husband's family tends to think that he is a saint. One sister found out recently that it is not the whole truth and was totally shocked that all of our problems were not only because of me.

My advice is to keep out of it. I know that is hard, but you might end up causing a lot of hurt feelings and trouble. He is a grown man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 6:51pm

You don't sound b**chy at all, you sound like a compassionate sibling. Your complaints aren't petty, they aren't personal, they are out of genuine concern for the poor way she treats her future husband. Why don't you envite your brother out to lunch with you and talk with him? Say something like "I've noticed that sometimes fiance isn't very nice to you" may be enough to get him to open up. Or saying "how come you let her talk to and about you so meanly?" or "you and fiance don't behave in the way a person thinks someone in love behaves".


Some things you personally could do is to pipe up when you hear her say something unkind with "that was rude", or "that didn't sound very loving", or "my brother might not mind you bad mouthing him right in front of him but I do, could you please refrain from treating him like

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket