What do I do?
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What do I do?
| Mon, 02-12-2007 - 5:10pm |
This post had to be deleted due to feelings being hurt. Thank you.
Edited 7/12/2007 12:49 pm ET by slem15621
Edited 7/12/2007 12:49 pm ET by slem15621

Your story about their behavior and yours brings to mind the ol "chicken or egg" debate. Which came first, them being distant and less than welcoming, or you being stand-offish and less than enviting? You said yourself that before the wedding you got along great. Then the first problem you mention is that they didn't offer to pay for anything. Now, they aren't required, obligated, or responsible to pay anything, as any money given is a gift. It sounds like you took offense to this when you shouldn't have
Hi Slem15621, welcome!
If you want your child to have a certain name, then you should name him/her that name. I don't think you should change the names you really want because DH's brother and his future wife want those names. It really isn't anyone's business what names you have picked out and whether they like it or not.
Since they never ask how you are feeling, etc. you know where you stand with them. Why waste time on them when this is how they are? They could ask once in awhile how you are feeling but they don't. They sound like selfish people. Maybe they are jealous that you are in the spotlight because you are having a baby and the spotlight isn't on them. In any event, I wouldn't waste any time on these people since they don't seem to give a darn about anyone else but themselves.
Follow me to:
If you are "damned if you do and damned if you don't", then don't. Just ... don't. Save yourself the heartache. Stop by with your DH on "special" occasions, stay just long enough to be polite then go do something emotionally healthy, with or without your husband. Do let him know that he is welcome to join you, though.
Keep your communications short and superficial. Now you know how they will react to *real* news, so let DH deal with them on any deeper levels.
You know, they could have been "on their best behavior" before the wedding and now that you are "stuck", they can let down the disguises and be their true (trollish) selves. Does that sound accurate?
Tell your husband that you love him way too much to risk the resentment and anger towards him that continued exposure to those people would cause. Remind him that you love him very much, and will be waiting to greet him with love and kindness when he comes back from visiting his family-of-origin. Without you there to take the heat, he may get more of their "loving expressions" himself. Wouldn't that be nice!
I don't understand why you needed to beg your husband to not *make* you do something. Are you not partners? Working *together* for the *health* and *well-being* of the family you make together? Is he going to be willing and ready to protect his baby from *all* who would harm her/him? Even if the harm is not a physical or readily observable one?
You may want to consider marital counseling or counseling for yourself at some point. After the baby is born, you could see someone for "Post Partum Depression" even if your depression is less about the post-partum and more about the depressing people in your life. Professional counselors can be wonderful at helping us see what is truly important and help us set healthy boundaries in our lives.
I hope my words help you at least a little bit. You have to do what you think is best and I wish you the *very* best as you grow this little baby and make a life with your husband *beside* you (and in front of you when people throw crap your way!) raising your child(ren) together.
{{{{hugs}}}}
ilve2read