Please read this and help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2006
Please read this and help me
5
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 4:22am
I have a huge problem. I have big issues with my mother-in-law and I have no idea what to do. Let me begin. When I was pregnant with our first child, my mother-in-law told me that the baby was not her grandchild in her book because he was a piece of a pshycotic B*&%#. Well, Blaise was born and he passed away 4 1/2 months later from Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia. We did not know about his condition until his autopsy. That was the hardest thing I have ever been through. After he passed, she began to act like she had always loved him and that he was very important to him and that she had a lot to do with him. Now we have been blessed with another little boy, Roanin. I have major issues with her being around him. A lot of it has to do with her past statements but also with her lifestyle. She is living with her uncle. I don't mean sharing a house, I mean also sharing a bed. She is 41 and he is around his mid 60's. I don't want to have to explain their relationship to my child and tell him why the man isn't his grandfather, etc. etc. The uncle even says things to her(my husband's mom) like "Aren't you glad we had them" speaking of my husband and his siblings. My husbands mother has hurt him so many times in so many ways and yet he continues to let her do so. He tells me how he really feels and then goes back for more pain and insults. I realize she is his mother but I have had enough of her hurting my husband. I try to get along, really meaning be civilized when I am around her only to protect my husband. Please, what should I do? At this past Christmas, I cried for an hour as we prepared to go to her house. I cried the whole trip to her house. When we arrived, I cried the ENTIRE time. I got to the point where I can't take it anymore. Honestly, if I could cut of my leg to never see her again, I would do it in a heartbeat. I could go without seeing her, but I want to support my husband. Also, I do not trust my son being at her house without me. She has only seen Roanin three times since he was born and he is 9 weeks old now. But she has made no attempt to come see him either. PLEASE GIVE ME ANY ADVICE ON WHAT I SHOULD DO!!! Should I put my feelings aside? Should I stand up and protect my child? Please, I mentally can not take it anymore.
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 6:21am

For me, the end of my relationship with her would have been when she made that remark about your first child. I don't understand your husband at all. It is one thing to not defend your spouse. That is bad enough. But, he obviously thinks it was okay for her to disparage your innocent little baby and calling you a filthy name.

You don't have to put up with her. Not at all. And neither does your child. You can let DH know that you will no longer see, hear from, or have anything to do with her. If he doesn't like it, after what she did, he needs help. In fact, I (and this is just me) would consider it a betrayal if he has anything to do with her, after what she has done. I cannot believe he is just not plain PISSED over what she said about his own child.

I would not be civil to such a person. No way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 10:17am
I cannot even imagine what you are feeling right now. SHe says your unborn child is not her grandchild and then he dies and she acts like she is grieving....that is just wrong, now she wants a relationship with your new son, but has not made the effort. I'd never allow her to be with him alone. Not just because of that, but because her lifestyle is not appropriate for a child. You can allow your husband to go there alone, and not go along. I know it causes friction, but if he understands, he will realize you are doing the best thing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 5:49pm

Hi Blaisesmommy827, welcome!

If it were me, I don't think I could ever see the MIL again after what she said about your first child. What she said was just plain cruel. As for supporting your husband, he should be supporting YOU by staying home with you knowing how his mother is. I think the best thing is not to answer the phone if you know it is her or screen your calls and don't answer when you hear her voice on the answering machine. As for seeing her, I don't see any reason why you or your child needs to see her. She doesn't need to see your son at her house or your house, even supervised. She lost at privilege when she said what she did about your first child. She is insulting and she does lead a strange lifestyle to say the least. Where is MIL's husband at? Are they divorced or is she a widow?








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Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 12:39pm
I agree. She doesn't deserve to have any kind of relationship with you and your son. She is an evil, nasty woman. The other thing she is sleeping with her Uncle. That is sick. Your son doesn't need to be exposed to that kind of sick behavior. She is a sick woman. I wouldn't care if she was my Dh's mother. I would never be around someone like that and there is no way I would allow an innocent child to be around that either. Cut her off. Doesn't matter if Dh doesn't like it. You are the Mother and the gate keeper to your son. You do NOT have to allow people like your mil around him. Just because she is family doesn't not automatically grant them access to your child.

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Registered: 12-08-2006
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 2:45pm

First of all, let me say that I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your first little boy. Secondly, onto the the MIL from H&!! I have a MIL who treats my Dh like crap too. I must tell you what I did. My DH had spinal fusion surgery in Decemeber. She has only been to see him once. She has only called twice. I told her what a crappy mom she is because she favors my SIL over my Dh. I must tell you that there is no way in H#!! that I will ever stop defending my DH. I will always stand by him and up for him. I think that you need to do the same. I must tell you too, protect the interest of your child. My Dh and I have to do that. It is hard. good luck...by the way it sounds your son is better off with out her.

Laura