HELP! CRAZY SIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
HELP! CRAZY SIL
2
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 4:26pm

Okay, here it goes....i have a sil that got a divorce 2 years ago and is remarrying in a couple of months. she recently started to rehash old resentments from her 1st marriage. apparently she has never forgiven me for siding with her ex during their divorce. I know now that we should never take sides and NEVER go against the family. I know i messed up because dh told me i was in the wrong and i should have never done that. We had a gathering at the in-laws and thought we had cleared everything up...everybody was sorry and realized that we were still family no matter what & we would be able to move on. It took a long time for me to forgive myself and actually went thru some depression, but DH was supportive and we got thru it.

Since then, i have only seen sil twice in the two years and when we do see eachother she never speaks to me. I didn't think much of it cuz I figured she still needed some time and I didn't blame her. SIL has had a history of being very insecure and very jealous, especially in her 1st marriage.
Last year, a rumor started that the reason their marriage didn't work was because she beleived that her ex had an affair with me.TOTALLY NOT TRUE! It got around to my DH and he confronted the ex and the other man. Ofcourse, it wasn't true and DH left it at that. My SIL got wind of it and told my MIL. They both went to DH without my presence and told them that the affair was true. DH ofcourse knew it wasnt true but it became clear that not only sister but now his mother had not truly gotten over the divorce and me betraying his sister.(marriage was toxic to begin with and ex couldn't take it anymore and left)

Dh & I told ourselves lets not worry about it because we know it is not true and besides we have children to raise and life. Now SIL will talk to DH occasionally...only when she needs something, but recently she told him that she still believed about the affair and other crazy non-sense stuff that is totally not true!!! Also said she will never speak to me again until I confess to her about the affair! I was devasted and shocked ofcourse I couldn't believe she actually still believed such nonsense. She then even started to lash out at DH blaming him for all her mistakes.I can't believe someone sits around and pieces things in their head and starts to believe them, even when they know themselves it isn't.

My problem is I'm afraid that she will send DH an invitation to her upcoming wedding and I don't know if I can bring myself to attend with him. I know the right thing to do is to support him because afterall she is his only sister, but she totally hates me. I thought about calling her and talking to her but a part of me is saying FOR WHAT. She won't listen to anyone unless you are agreeing with her. I'm dreading the wedding and we are not even invited yet....

Any words of advise is welcomed.

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 4:48pm

Whoa! She basically called you a whore and accused you of screwing around on your husband with her Ex.

Remind me why either you OR Dh have anything to do with her? And would he actually attend her wedding after what was said about you, his WIFE, whom he promised to love and cherish above ALL others?

The "right" thing for him to do is for your DH to demand that SIL straighten up her act or she doesn't see any of you. She has no right to be so rude to you. Like I told my inlaws, they don't have to love me or like me, but they WILL respect me or they won't see our children. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I am a firm believer in me, Dh and our boys being a "package deal". If my husband would actually support his sister after she called me a whore, I would no longer be his wife.

Now, I am not telling you to leave your husband. That is not my intention, nor would I ever tell anyone how to live or what to do. But, I don't understand why you are even worried about this wedding. Why would you even attend? Why would he?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 9:57am

Your probably right mom2danjam....I shouldn't worry about something I have no control of. Dh did confront her about her hate towards me. SIL never gave him an answer, instead that's when she started to blame all her life problems on us. I don't think she will completely move on from the mistakes she made in her first marriage. I've heard where woman will blame others for their own mistakes when they are in denial.

I'm going to try to take the high road...only be in her presence with DH. I don't expect someone who is in denial to change. I know my DH loves me and our children and I just pray that he will not consider attending an event that will be uncomfortable for all of us. I'll also pray for sil to get a life and move on after she gets married a 2nd time.

Thank you!