Adult daughter keeps $ that is not hers
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Adult daughter keeps $ that is not hers
| Sat, 02-17-2007 - 1:52pm |
Here is my issue, I hope someone has something enlightening to tell me. My live-in fiance retired in September. His adult children (ages 33&36)did not attended a surprise retirement party I had for him at that time, for various reasons,but that is another posting (yes, they were invited). In late November they organized a party for December at a local resturaunt and charged people 30.00 per person( including mtself and my 15 year old daughter)to attend. This included a monetary gift. With tax and tip they had about 9.00 per person for the gift. There were approx. 24 people, consisting mostly of family and friends. The daughter who took charge of the party did not present the gift at the party or even make mention of it. Fastforward 2 months to February. He still has not received the gift. He has mentioned it several times and has been given various excuses like "I'm waiting for the checks to clear" or "I have it , I just want to put it on a visa gift card". I have brought the subject up several times, coming from several different angles. He becomes very defensive at times when things involve his kids as they have treated him very poorly since he and his ex-wife split up 7 years ago, and he is working very hard to restore some kind of meaningful realtionship with them. He does not know how to handle the situation and neither do I. I only know that people gave her money with the sole intention that her father receve a gift. She has in essance stolen from each one of them and me! I also should mention that she recently revealed that she is pregnant and expecting a baby in June. This grandchild will be my fiances 2nd and the only one in the USA. She has a history of emotional blackmail and I feel she may be playing that card again. If he gives her too difficult of a time, he won't see the new baby. She did something similar when she got married 3 years ago. He would be allowed to escort her down the aisle ONLY as long as I did not attended the wedding. So clearly it is within her realm. Any suggesttions?? I don't know how to handle this and I becoming angry, not really at him, but the daughters and the whole situation.

Hi Cardio80nurse, welcome to the board!
I'm not sure if there is really anything that you can do, since your fiance seems to pretend like nothing is wrong and seems to be afraid of his daughter. The only thing that you can do that is within your control is to not tolerate her to treat YOU like that. As for how she treats him, that is his problem, even though I'm sure it hurts him a great deal. Hopefully one day he will get fed up enough and not give into her behavior.
Here is another board on Ivillage that may be able to give you more advice on how to handle your situation. The board is called Stepmothers and the link is:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppstepmother
Good luck and let us know how things progress. Feel free to come back and vent anytime.
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to treat him this way and allowing her to
get away with taking and keeping the money
I don't know as there is much you can do
about it. However,I would demand the money
you put into it back that didn't go toward
dinner & the tip. I would start to wonder
if the waitress got a tip at all given the
situation. I would also notify everyone who
attented this gathering that the gift was
never recived and I'd embarress the heck
out of her and I'd tell her she could stick
her wedding where the sun don't shine. I
would hope that people wouldn't trust her
to do this again.
Cardio,
Forget about the money or the gift. Your husband will see neither.
Clearly these women have manipulated him before aka their wedding, etc. because they can't accept their father's relationship with you.
You have two choices here. Keep playing their games and getting hit in the heart all the time while they kick you in the teeth or confront and resolve. Your husband has to take a stand with his daugthers and needs to tell them he won't accept their behavior (grandchild or no grandchild.)
I also suggest the two of you get into marriage counseling. This will take a serious toll on your marriage if it hasn't already - and the truth is - your step-daughters-in-law are asking your husband to choose them over you. You need help coping with this situation and tools both to communicate better with your husband and he with you, and he with his daughters.
Don't let this situation go on without seeking assistance.