please advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
please advice
5
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 4:17pm
i did it i took first step.i called the 800#today and they told me of a place to call and set up counceling,i just get so mad that my life is so out of control,and i just dont know how to fix it,im scared right now because i dont know whats going to happen tonight.my h bro came to our house on his 9 hr release today,and do you beleave that he gave his bro 1/2 of $5oo dollars that we had and his n showed up just long enough to get it since his bro cant take nothing with him when he goes back to lock up,it wouldnt of been half as bad if our dau had her prom dress paid for and our washer &dryer is gonna tear up at any time with all the noise it makes.i felt so humiliated that i got up and left.i drove around until time for h to take his bro back,so i thought,they were all standing in the yard having a family discussion about me no doubt when i got back,i wanted so bad to go over and tell them to start doing for them selves and to stop taking advantage of us, but i knew that my h would slap me down right there in front of them,its his place to put them in there place i know but he never will,and i know that ivegot to change my situation/my life,i havent been happy in so long ive forgotten what its like,does any one know how long it takes to see a councelor and they said something about support groups.please keep me and dd in you alls prayers. he called to see if i had started supper,do abusers realy choose to be this way or are they sick and cant help it?

Edited 2/22/2004 5:04:48 PM ET by jesushelpme


Edited 2/22/2004 6:21:17 PM ET by jesushelpme

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
In reply to: jesushelpme
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 10:54am
just incase anyones out there,every thing went alright last night,he threaten to sell dd car though.me and dd had a heart to heart. and i explained to her that we had to change our situation,we went to court last week over the trouble that she got her self into,they gave her pro,anger management classes,community services,it made me feel more trapped somehow.but i got the feeling that its just what dear h wanted,he has done nothing but throw the $1000 up in our face that it costed for the lawyer, but never says anything about the $ he has gave to his family,i just cannot understand it.he has also threaten to take and cut off her cell phone,he said that his n cell got cut off and it wasnt fair for her to have one.and since i dont know where im going down here thats realy the only way i have to check on her when shes out and gone,he also snuck up behind me this morning when i was checking the board,he said what are you doing writing things on there about us,i said no im just reading stories,he said it looks that im going to have to cut the d*#n thing off.i hate to admit it but this board is the only outlet i have at the moment.i will be so glad when this is all behind me ,and that i can look back on it as just a bad time in my life thats over with.i just needed to talk to someone thank guys.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
In reply to: jesushelpme
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 11:06am
Yes, it's very hard to believe but, they really choose to be this way. Often there are other problems or sicknesses that make what they do worse. The abuser will try to use anything or anyone as excuses for choosing to behave badly but, they still made that choice. We all have choice, every single one of us. He could just as easily treat you and your daughter like princesses and treat his bro like crap but he's choosen the other way around. You see what I mean? He uses the excuse of "family" - what are you two women, if not family. So it's just a lame excuse to try to justify his choice to abuse/control.

I know you plan on getting out just as soon as you daughter graduates. Start planning now. Start getting your ducks in a row. Do not say anything to him that will tip him off about your plans. You have 3 or 4 months to slowly gather any documents, maybe stash a small amount of cash, get your precious things out and to a safe place under the guise of spring cleaning.

You two are in my prayers. Keep looking up^, Susan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
In reply to: jesushelpme
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 12:15pm
thank you so very much susan for your support,it makes a body feel better just knowing that someone is on the other side of this key board that takes the time to read,feel&and to let you know that you are not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
In reply to: jesushelpme
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:58pm
I'm here almost every day. Some days I need to just read and others I hardly stop typing. I've been 'out' two years, since Jan 22/02. I didn't find these boards until I'd already been separated for over a year. It took until then for me to really accept the title 'victim of abuse'. Now, I'm a survivor! What a difference this would have made for me a few years ago.

I've always believed that God has a plan for my life and I believe now that one of the biggest reasons I went through what I did is so I can offer insite and support to others who are lost/scared/trapped, like I once was. There is no one here at my house who will sneak up on me or threaten to cut off my internet. I do check my email every single day and you are more than welcome to email me through my profile, if you like.

You are never alone. Keep looking up^, Susan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: jesushelpme
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 2:34pm
Please know that people do care. I have a hard time responding to posts because sometimes I just dont know what to say. I feel like I am far from an expert in this and that my situation is not nearly as bad as alot of the womens situations on here.

Huge hugs to you and I feel for you and what you are going through. You took a wonderful step in calling for a counselor. They will help you to stop being so confused and to sort out your feelings. Keep taking steps and start making your plans to leave. I liked everything that Susan said and she always has wonderful words of encouragement and advice. You can do this. You are stronger than you think you are. Hugs to you. Take care of yourself lady.

Ree