healing from domestic abuse

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
healing from domestic abuse
4
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 1:59pm
Hi Everyone,

I was beaten by my ex in Novemember it was the first time it was that bad. I had bruises everywhere. We have talked since and he acts like he's done nothing. Not that I want him to be hurt in anyway but to acknowledge it was wrong, he says I provoked him. I am so hurt and confused inside.I started going to church and looking for the word of the Lord to get me through. Any advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 2:11pm
Ibella,

Welcome to the board and huge hugs to you. First off let me say that it is not your fault. Please go to the link on this board and read all of the wonderful information that is compiled there. It was a great help to me when I first started to realize that my husband is an abuser. I would also like to reccomend that if you ever feel you need to talk to someone or get more information about local sources of help to call the national hotline number 1 800 799 SAFE. A couple books that I found helpful have been...Keeping the Faith by Marie Fortune...a book that will help you with questions you might have on god and how your abuse relates to those beliefs. Also the excellent book called Why Does He Do That? : inside the minds of angry and controlling men by Lundy Bancroft. A wonderful book that will help you to understand and identify what is going on in your life and help you to see that it is not you and that you are not crazy.

I hope that since you said that he is your ex that he is no longer living with you and that you are now out of danger of him hurting you again. I would not contact him if you dont have to. Hugs to you and I hope maybe some of this helps.

Ree

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 2:26pm
Hello Bella,

I'm glad you found us. I don't think your ex will ever acknowledge that what he did was wrong (in a meaningful way... not "I'm sorry you made me hurt you") because he doesn't believe it. They just really don't ever seem to 'get it' and trying to convince them just leaves you more confused and hurt. Do check out the books that were recommended and if you have headphones or speakers on your PC give this radio interview with Lundy Bancroft (the author of "Why Does He Do That") a listen. Again, welcome.

http://www.talktotara.com/audio/lundy_bancroft.ram

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 2:48pm
Welcome aboard Ibell.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 3:59pm
Thank you all for being so kind. I will start reading. Thanks again so much. God bless.