will this feeling go away?
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| Tue, 02-24-2004 - 2:04pm |
And as far as my bf is concerned, I'm really feeling that if i did that then I need to end the relationship. I just do NOT know how, and when i am at home, even at home with him, I get all emotional and don't think it is the right move b/c i have my entire life at home and don't know if i'm ready to lose 3 years worth of that. And he still tells everyone we are moving together, talks of us living in x-city or y-city, how things will be when we do, etc etc etc. And I don't say much, I just kinda comment "yea, that will be cool" or whatever but I don't bring it up. And I can't bear the thought of hurting him by ending our relationship now. I don't know if it IS what I want, and I fear that if I do tell him we need some time apart then he will take it the wrong way, or I'll decide that i want to be back with him and he'll be over me or seeing someone else or whatever. Also-question for those of you who have gone through this----a lot of the "shared" belongings in the house: ie, the computer, car, TV to name the more expensive
items are originally mine but he certainly has had equal use of them over the past few years. How do I reclaim those? I mean, I almost feel guilty over taking them back...yet with my car, I paid for all of it, and he sold his for 1/4 of what my car was worth to help with insurance or whatever but realistically I put in a lot more money for it. However, I feel awful just leaving him high and dry, and of course I'm sure it will escalate into a huge argument anyway.
Uggh, please help me with how you've gotten through this, as well as any advice on the most recent situation i've been through. Some day, when I have my life together I will try and respond to help others but I think I'm still in denial where i don't think i want to give advice b/c i'm afraid that i would sound hypocritical, plus in some ways my situation doesn't sound as dire as others and for that i feel guilty.
thanks again....

IMO, if you want to talk to someone, consider calling the National DV hotline (the 800 number on the board mainpage) and tell them your story.
CL-Blueliner4
Here is something I think you should really make a priority: It breaks my heart the amount of guilt you are carrying. It does not sound to me like you have done anything at all to feel guilty about. You are unsure of your future. This is no crime. No need for guilt. I think you've bought into his belief that you are responsible for his life, problems and happiness over your own. I think you could really, really benefit from some counseling to help you sort out what it is *you* want so you can stand firm in your decision. We are all entitled to decide what is best for us. That is our right, no one elses. If he is inconvieninced/pi$$ed off by your life decision - oh well. No one expects you to sacrifice your happiness for his, except him.
Are you maybe looking for someone to give you permission to put yourself first? OK, you've got it! Go for it, unknown. Put yourself first. Do it without guilt. It is your right.
It's hard to start thinking of ourselves first, when we've not been allowed to for so long. It's a new habit you need to learn and each time you put yourself first, it's scary but it does get easier. In your case you have to be very careful what to take a stand on. You are just so confused right now it almost seems to be imobilizing you and your thought process. All the more reason to look into counseling or call a shelter or the hotline to talk to someone. Email me through my profile, if you want.
Keep looking up^, Susan.
as far as the other thing goes. check and see what your laws are in your state. in my state, ms, i will be able to keep everything i brought into the relationship. if you are serious about leaving you and your bf should sale what your bought together and split the money. if your relationship is anything like mine and your bf is as hard to deal w/as my h was i just counted my loses and now i'm trying to move on. good luck
melissa