He says I have an anger problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
He says I have an anger problem
5
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 5:45pm
Well I just wanted to say that my ex gave me HIV, I was diagnosed in November 12. He physically beat me Nov 21. I called the police and had him arrested. When he came out he was trying to contact me through his family even though I have a protection order. Well dumb little me started talking to him again. And as I have he is just mean, selfish and thinks of himself. I am a Christian woman, I have just started attending church and I am establishing a relationship with the Lord. He came out of jail saying he is Christian, that is fine. I wasn't practicing nor trying to tell him what to do. One thing he was right about is that life is empty without the Lord, but he used the Bible in his own termonolgy saying that I had to submit myself to him, leave my parents (not talking to them or seeing them) I had to obey him when he talks, Now I understand it does say these things in the bible, but what about equality. He doesn't see himself doing the same. Submit means no friends no family just him and my son. If it was up to him I would be in the house 24/7 with him and my son. I mean I am 25 and so hurt. I honestly just became a Christian and opened my heart this Sunday and I say it proudly because I never said it before because I didn't feel ready. What do you all think of this? He would say things to me like I don't like your hair color or I don't like your clothes today. It really hurt me, because even if I thought I looked nice. He would just drag me down. I started running out on him when he would say these kinds of things. I didn't want to sit there and argue. Just like he asked me to go to lunch, he had my car that day so he picked me up 15 mintues late and asked me if I wanted to go to this little Spanish rest. When I said yes, he said you can eat but I won't ILL. Well I felt bad and asked him just to drop me back off at work. I asked myself, why would he ask me to go somewhere even if he didn't like it. I wanted to enjoy lunch together, not see him staring at me. He said because of my reactions, I have an anger problem? w/b
Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 6:59pm
Hi Bellasara. I am so sorry about your "ex" and your illness and his treatment of you. I hope you are finding comfort in your prayers and your commitment to a higher power. Please believe me when I tell you that it is very, very common for these guys to play the "blame game" and they ALL say things that twist the problem into originating with "us". My X used to tell me that I didn't think properly and my brain was miswired and that I needed serious professional help. Of-course the professionals would always end up saying that I had some mild anxiety but otherwise was fine. You were absolutely right to have him arrested and to seek the protective order. This man will continue to be nothing but heartache and disaster in your life if you allow this relationship to continue. You can also get in big trouble for breaking the protective order -- and can actually be prosecuted for NOT following it. Please take some time to read the articles on the homepage (you will find the link at the top of the board). If you are anything like me, you will be shocked to find yourself and your situation being described in words you might have written. When I began reading back through the posts, I was absolutely stunned to read my story over and over and over again. Sadly, it is much more common than we all seem to think. This confusion he continues to create -- asking you out and not really wanting to go, the constant badgering, the belittling, it is ALL part of the abuser's personality. A personality that is driven wholly by, what they believe, is their right to power and privelidge. My DX used to tell me that because my job was to be a stay at home Mom, that meant 24/7. All part of the intimidation and control game. What a great gig if they can get you to buy into it too. BTW, did you know that you can sue him CIVILLY for monetary damages for giving you HIV ? Any personal injury lawyer will gladly take this case on contingency; especially if you prosecuted and convicted him criminally of the assault he went to jail for. Just thought I would mention that (if it matters to you). If you read back through your post and look for all of the lines that have the words "he said" in them, you can cross them out and discard them as the B.S. that they are. The problem is NOT with you honey, he just wants you to believe that. ~~gentle hugs and please post as often as you need or wish
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 8:13pm

What AzMomma told you is right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 11:07am
Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry honey. It's just disgusting that he's done this to you, and he's now trying to get you to believe that *you* are the one who wronged *him*! Sometimes, they just never cease to amaze me.

Just know this -- he'll have to live with what he did to you for the rest of his life and, eventually, it's going to come home to roost. He'll figure it all out in time -- don't worry. And when he does, he's going to hate himself for it, *almost* as much as all of us on this board hate him right now for doing this to you. Because, by then, you'll be long gone and he'll realize what he had and what he lost. More importantly, he'll realize *how* he lost you, and he'll come to understand that it was *his* fault, NOT yours.

BTW, I'm 25 too, and I can only imagine the amount of courage and inner strength you have to be dealing with this as well as you are. Please keep posting and come here whenever you need to -- we will always do whatever we can to help and support you.

Love & Hugs,

Emm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 1:01pm

So, after everything he's done to you, you're supposed to just sit there and take it?

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 1:09pm

Here's the link to JTHomer's post:


CL-Blueliner4