Oh why oh why??
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| Fri, 02-27-2004 - 9:13pm |
I´ve posted here before about a friend of mine who's in an abusive relationship. It's the other way around to most of the stories here - he's male and the abuser is female.
Long story short, she shouts and hits him until he is badly bruised (she even started shouting and beating him IN BED after a night out, she saw his mobile ringing and she saw the caller was a female friend of his) She is very controling; checks up on him if he's out anywhere but in work. She goes through his mobile, and gives him hell if there is so much as a text message from a female friend of his "you have done something bad" she'll say, and soon after that she starts crying and shouting and beating him. She accuses him of cheating and lying, and he's told me he's tried to break up with her but she "wont let him". dont know if she makes any actual threats, but i do know what she's been like if he has ever gotten enough and hung up on her or walked away. That means constant phonecalls. like.. constant. endless voicemessages with her crying into the phone, until he gives in. he can't stand the guilt knowing that HE is breaking her heart. that's what keeps him with her, he doesnt want to "crush her".
They arent even living together, it's not even that far into the relationship. i've asked him about wether or not he sees this as someone who he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and he shudders at the thought - yet he stayes. How can i make him see this isnt love, but control?
He has even said to me that he knows she doesnt care about his feelings - so long as he does what she says. WHY is he putting up with this??????? I mean, i've gone from thinking he's simply scared of her, or that he just doesnt care enough about his own life to do anything about the abuse, or maybe on some level he likes the fact that she "loves" him so much that she'll hit him in her fits of jealousy? Do you think thats possible?

Hi there and welcome back -
It's really hard to tell what's going through his head.
CL-Blueliner4
Oh he would NEVER call the police on her. He once walked in on his father strangling his mother and he didnt call the cops. He rang his sister though, who hasn't lived in the house for years and she called the police - not the mother. and he was actuallly upset with his sister because he knew it would only make his father worse. Says alot about his attitute towards authority stepping in. and he aviods conflict like the plague if it's anything too personal.
He isn't scared of her pysically, and I don't think she'd go as far as using weapons on him... ?
You, unfortunately, have experience with an abusive male, and I've read here that only about 1% of them do change for the better. do you think it's the same percentage with women?
I personally dont think she will change, but I feel like I shouldn't be stating "she´ll never change".. unless I have knowledge to back me up?
Thanks for your response, you are really helping me.