i need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
i need some advice
2
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 10:24pm
Hi,

I really need some advice. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 8 months now. We had a long distance relationship for a little while. Things started getting rough when he would get mad at me for leaving with my friends or not answering my phone. Thing would get worse when we argued, it got just awful he would tell me he wished I would die and he would be happy if I did. And the list goes on, but then it would always be the same later. He would say he was soo sorry and he didn't know why he would ever say such things. When things are good with us they are soo good. But after we moved in together when we fought he started physically abusing me he would strangle me sometimes so I started to see stars. He slapped me and gave me a bloody nose because I wanted to leave and spend time with my friends. Things got really bad when he punched me and gave me a black eye and nose. So my friends found out. It isn't as if these things are right at all I know that they are wrong and he needs help. I know we need to be apart. But I mean he wants to do anything and everything to make things right. He has moved away basically because my family and friends bought him a bus ticket home. He says he will do whatever it takes to be better. I do believe he is genuinly in love with me and I am in love with him as well. If he wants to get help I feel like, why couldn't I give him a second chance? I mean it sounds like he would change. And I guess I am soo stuck and I just don't know what to do at all. I still am talking to him all the time. Also I just think if its like all the people that care about me say, that he will always be the same, then there is no hope, but I feel like that is just setting up someone for failure forever. Saying that he will never stop being abusive. I think getting help is the first step to change. But I am still very confused. Maybe this is a bit to complicated but any advice at all would help in every way. Thanks

Candy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 2:14am

Hi Candy and welcome -


First off, your family and friends have done you a huge favor by sending him packing.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 8:32am
Candy - listen to cl_blueliner.

Please leave him, now. Do not wait until the time is right, it will never be "right". He severely mistreats you and by forgiving him once you are showing him that you are "ok" with him treating you that way. He does not love you, he loves the control he has over you. PLEASE don't be his punchbag and do not believe a word he says when he asks for forgiveness. Realise that when you defend him it is because you are not seeing clearly! Know what the "Stockholm Syndrome" is?

The longer you stay with him the harder it will be to get out. He will ruin your life if you stay, it will not get better.

Please keep posting and try your best to think clearly!