im trying

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
im trying
4
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 12:15pm
Hi,

I just want to say thank you all very much for the advice. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I feel like its absolutely impossible. I tried to break up with him but I feel like I don't even have the heart. I almost wish he could just do something really bad, so it would be easier. I still do love him and that is obviously what makes this so difficult. He just started crying and telling me how much I meant to him and he would do whatever it took to make it better. I tried to say I think even if things did get better that he would need to just do it by himself. But he said that he wanted me there to help him through it. I mean I guess we arent together we are apart in different states. This is just so very difficult. I think that everyone made me see that there is a good chance things won't change but it hard for me just accept it I guess because I really do feel like he would do what it takes and try and change. Well, I guess this will have to happen in steps because I do probably know in the back of my head what needs to happen.

Thanks everyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
In reply to: candylynn8
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 2:38pm
Hi again Candy

He already did something really bad, for one thing he gave you a blackeye. How much worse does it have to get? Do you want him to beat you up sp badly you end up in hospital?

Please sweetheart, don't listen to him when he tells you how much you mean to him, he'll say whatever it takes to get you back, and he probably knows what works on you. And if he cries, he's only crying for the same reason a child would cry when it doesn't get a toy - they know crying works.

Be strong Candy, and try your best to detach yourself from these emotional games of his. Reasoning with him is probably useless, unfortunately. It is best not to speak to him at all. you can't "save him". only he can. He doesn't deserve another second of your time. Do not feel sorry for him, that's exaclty what he wants you to do.

I know this must be so hard! My heart really does go out to you.

How frequently do you talk to him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: candylynn8
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 4:07pm
Welcome aboard Candy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
In reply to: candylynn8
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 8:24am
i know exactly what you mean by wanting to wait for something bad to happen. that's exactly what i did last time i left my partner. but that's the thing. i KNEW something bad was going to happen and that it was only a matter of time. thing is though, you need to remember that you have the right to leave anytime you want to, not just because he's gone totally over board again. leaving is hard, as i can testify at the moment. but even though it's hard, there are tremendous benefits - like not having to live in fear anymore
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
In reply to: candylynn8
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 8:02pm
Thanks again. And yeah, its the same for me. And since were apart, just still talking over the phone all the time. Hes saying hes gonna straighten himself out and do all these things to be a better person so he can be with me again. and I kinda think like that too, like ok, I know something will happen again that will make me say ok-look your doing it again. But I know I should just stop right now, it is just sooo hard. I know what I need to do and what everyone should do in the same situation, just end it all together. But I do feel awful because I love him, but right I need to think of the consequences. So again thanks.