I need advice...
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I need advice...
| Sun, 02-29-2004 - 2:07pm |
My fiancee and I have been together since we were 15, we are now both 20 and have lived together for 3 years.
We have always had a good relationship but in the last 6 months or so he has started to lose his temper more and more often mostly just kicking doors and furniture but occasionaly grabbing hold of me and just staring like he is trying hard not to hit ME.
He never has actually hit or hurt me in any way but sometimes it seems like he is right on the verge of doing so. I know that he is under alot of stress at the moment at work and I am in the final year of a degree at university to add to that I am three months pregnant...but this doesnt seem like an excuse to lose his temper so violently with me for reasons like he cant find his shoes...He has also started to be quite "forceful" when he wants to have sex and sometimes does things i dont really want to do.
The fact that he hasnt actually hurt me and the fact that he stops himself makes me think that there is hope that he wont...I want to talk about it with him but he wont even acknowledge that it happens, which of course makes it impossible for us to talk to anyone else about it...
I dont know what to do as I dont want this to end things,especially now that I am pregnant but at the same time I starting to feel very nervous about doing anything arpund the house in case it upsets him...
We have always had a good relationship but in the last 6 months or so he has started to lose his temper more and more often mostly just kicking doors and furniture but occasionaly grabbing hold of me and just staring like he is trying hard not to hit ME.
He never has actually hit or hurt me in any way but sometimes it seems like he is right on the verge of doing so. I know that he is under alot of stress at the moment at work and I am in the final year of a degree at university to add to that I am three months pregnant...but this doesnt seem like an excuse to lose his temper so violently with me for reasons like he cant find his shoes...He has also started to be quite "forceful" when he wants to have sex and sometimes does things i dont really want to do.
The fact that he hasnt actually hurt me and the fact that he stops himself makes me think that there is hope that he wont...I want to talk about it with him but he wont even acknowledge that it happens, which of course makes it impossible for us to talk to anyone else about it...
I dont know what to do as I dont want this to end things,especially now that I am pregnant but at the same time I starting to feel very nervous about doing anything arpund the house in case it upsets him...
fernies3
Edited 2/29/2004 2:09:20 PM ET by fernies3
Edited 2/29/2004 2:26:41 PM ET by fernies3

Could have used your whole logo, but Fern reminds me of a lady I knew when I was young. Congratulations on being pregnant! Things have been fine as long as you kept 100% attention to you. Now that he knows he will have to share he is having problems dealing with it. You have a right to walk around the house freely. You have a right to feel at home....don't let that right go. If you are afraid now, it will only get worse.
It did in my situation. I had my little girl. Watching her when I was gone involved putting her in the swing at keeping it wound up. I used to really enjoy making her food from scratch, which involved melting a few ice cubes...that was too inconvenient. When she turn two, he decided he was going to die and I spent my time going to hospitals and taking care of my daughter...the saga goes on...It does not get any better.
You need to see if you can understand what is bothering him and he needs to be open about it. You shouldn't ever be afraid of what your spouse it doing.
One thing i read in a book about abusers is that for some reason statisticly abuse starts or becomes worse when the woman is pregnant. The book didnt really explain why just that it was proven.
I found myself in a situation when I told the man i was with i was pregnant and he didnt want to discuss it at the time cause we were on our way to a romantic week end getaway. Well lets just say i spent our romantic evening in a hotel bathroom w/ a large lump on my head and huge welt on my ass. Usually something would lead up to an outburst like this but this one came out of nowhere.
When i read about it in that book it was like.....oh........
My thought is men who act violently towards women have a lot of self image issues that they dont deal w/ . when the thought of becoming a dad comes into the picture they have to deal w/ who they are and it backfires.