therapy type question

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
therapy type question
1
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 7:55pm
hi-

i met with a psychologist the other day for the first time. strange experience in a way, since i hate to admit i'm even getting therapy (i never thought my life needed it!). Anyway, she seems good, as soon as i started getting into things our session was over. However, i have a question: she is trained in domestic violence and couples therapy. She said that her goal is to meet with me and eventually meet with both of us, or have her partner meet with my bf. Granted, she obviously doesn't know everything yet, but do you think this is a bad or good approach? I'm just wondering b/c everyone says that couples therapy is wrong for abusive situations (mine hasn't ever escalated past emotional or verbal), however if this is her speciality do you think this is a bad idea still?

I haven't even told my bf I'm going yet. And what the weirdest part is that her office is right near where he works, go figure (and i don't have a real reason to be in that area). Just confused in general, I'm even nervous to tell the therapist about what i've done wrong....but need to talk to someone about it. Its so weird, things have been good with us, except for the weirdest instances. We went out to a nice dinner with a friend of ours the other night, to a restaurant i had a gift certificate to. Well, fast forward to the end of dinner, we were trying to figure out the best way to handle the bill since everyone got different things and i had the certificate (but wanted to treat everyone with it)....it got confusing as i was trying to be fair to our friend and the next thing i know, he is tearing me into an a*hole b/c i had my money folded the wrong way, that i made a "really stupid comment" because i said i'd rather not carry all the cash around b/c i'd be more inclined to spend cash than money that is in my account ("why the h*ll would you do something like that?"), i tell him that its really not a big deal, it was a dumb comment, can we just drop it....the next thing i know he is calling me an idiot and telling me "not to start with him, don't get him started." Our friend just watched in shock, as did a nearby waitress, and i was dumbfounded. This outburst came out of nowhere, it was all innocent convo after getting our check. My friend then said that she was taking me out for a drink (w/out him, he went home)...we talked about it a bit, she said she had never witnessed something like that, that i don't deserve it, blah blah blah. I know she is right (yet she also said that we had a good connection/compatable, etc). So i get home, ignore him in bed, the next morning he tries to be all sweet and act like nothing happened (yet is being very kind to me). I made somewhat of a sarcastic remark about calling me an idiot at dinner and he tried to joke back about it, playfully saying if i didn't say stupid things then he wouldn't call me an idiot....i didn't feel like pressing the issue so i let it go. of course he's been in a good mood with me since...it just confuses me b/c it is these little outbursts that get to me, and how he can act like nothing happens.

sorry, didn't mean to go into all that, but i do wonder about the therapy thing.

thanks again...

Avatar for itsgoodtobeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 10:11pm
I suppose you should bring up your concerns with your therpist right away. Then again are you going because you want to stay or because you want to go? If you are going and hoping things work out her way to do that sounds logical, but if you won't tell him your going then I have a feeling that he just won't be up to changing. The reason the act like nothing happened is so they can tell themselves that nothing did and they did nothing wrong which they never do. Do you just hope it stops when he has an outburst like that? Do you tell him to stop right now not listing to it and if I want to carry 10,000 in cash on me then it is my right to. Was it his money? If you wanted to spend it so what. I don't shrink when yelled at so I was never yelled at espically in public but I can't image what that was like but there were parts about me and my ex that just worked too. On levels we were very good for each other and good together but that did not overpower the bad things and the way I felt about me after time with him. I was a shadow of who I was and I'm slowing getting that me back. Don't ever be afraid to ask your therpist questions for it is your life and no matter how much she knows it is your life. HUGS and Prayers to you dear and goodluck.>Jo