abuse???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
abuse???
5
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 1:34pm
Hi guys. I have posted on this board a few times now but I think I need a litte more help. The first time I posted I was contiplating on leaving my husband because we're just not compatible anymore and it seems like trying to make it work is futile, but now I think it's gotten worse.

We had a fight two weeks ago and it was about the fact he doesn't trust me and I'm sorry,that hurts to have your other say that. I've noticed some changes in him since the fight. Wherever I'm at, he's calling me to see where I am ( he's even done it while I was in school). I know he's been snooping around in my things. I had to change my e-mail passowrds. He asking my friends about any info that may have to convict me of infeidelity. I have been feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. I don't even want to leave the house because, I know he'll think I'm out cheating and if I am out with friends or whatnot, I feel like I should call him to let him know where I am and who I'm with. He has never acted this way before. There is no reason why he should be suspicious. He's jealous of everyone I hang out with. I feel like I'm on a very tight leash. I've told these things the same time we had the fight and he says I shouldn't have to feel that way and he's sorry but it's not stopping his behaviour. Sometimes I think he comes home from work if I'm here by myself to to check up on me. I'm not cheating. I dont' know what else to do. I have lived in an abusive environment for most of my childhood, so you'd think I'd know the signs. I really don't want to believe this is a form of abuse but I'm beginning to think that it is and I don't know if I should stay to see if the situation inporves or cut my looses and go. I don't know what to do. This has been on my mind ever since the fight. I'm very confused. I appreciate anyone reading this and any advice. Thanks for listening. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: jenniex
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 2:11pm
Here is what I think, this is just the first stages of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenniex
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 11:33pm
Hi jenniex...this kind of behavior is

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: jenniex
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 9:54am
YES it is abuse and will only get worse....My ex-boyfriend started that way and it got CRAZY! He used S & M to punish me, smelled my towels and sheets, check m y vagina late at nite, watched my apt called CONSTANTLY. Walking on eggshells, when you said that it gave me chills. I became isolated from ALL my friends and family I mean I was AFRAID to talk to ANYONE. We worked together so you can imagine what life was like. It is controlling and it is wrong. check out www.womenineed.com and www.womanabuseprevention.com to start. we broke up 6 mos ago and I am still healing from his terror. It took getting out of it to fully realize what I was in. I come from an a neglectful and sexually abusive childhood. I am in therapy.

These men are like sharks, they search out the vulnerable and attack, they can see we are hurting; even when we don't. They are predators and I do not want ANYONE to be their prey.

Best wishes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: jenniex
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 10:08am
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
In reply to: jenniex
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 2:54pm
Wow! Thanks for everyone's replies. I will say that I do still have my freedom and he can't take that away from me but I'm noticing that he is wondering where I am and when I'll be home whereas before he never used to do that. He's very paranoid

We have been together for over 12 years off and on now and married for 4 and he has never shown this behaviour before.I'm just very confused as to why he's acting like that. He knows I don't really want to be with him and i'm wondering if he's trying everything in his power to keep me. Oi, I don't know.I'm definatly going to look at those websites. Thank you all so much. I'll keep ya posted :)