I think I have a plan, but need advice
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| Tue, 03-02-2004 - 6:33pm |
One, I don't know how I am going to break the news to him. Either he is going to see me packing up all of my stuff and will know that I'm leaving, or I can try to tell him ahead of time, but either way, I know that his reaction will be violent and not pretty. I don't know what would be the best way to leave, or if I should have a friend or family member come over while I'm packing to leave, or what. Does anyone have any advice on that?
I have another problem with my plan too. I am secretly getting another apartment for myself a few towns away, which my income can handle fine, but... there are still 6 months left on the lease for the apartment I share with my bf. I know that he can take legal action against me if I do not pay my half each month, but I don't have the money right now to pay him for the entire six months. I don't know if it will be wise for me to send him a check each month, because I don't want him to know where I'm living. I am planning on getting a restraining order when I leave, and I don't know if I would even be allowed to send him anything. All I do know, is that I have the courage to leave right now, but I don't know if I will if I wait 6 months when my financial situation will be easier. Any advice for me?

Hi Aquafina and welcome -
On our board homepage is a link to how to create a safety plan.
CL-Blueliner4
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou
The moving part of your plan is perfect,
You just need a few more hands and an adequate truck,
Within a few hours with enough people and the right size truck,
And a diversion plan to keep him away for a few hours that day,
When you jam, it will be quick, organized and safe!
My two cents…
Start packing little things he won't notice NOW!
Re-arrange the closet, (you get my meaning!)
Get all of you legal documents together
Birth, cert. soc, sec. card, ect.. And put them somewhere safe and away.
Get a post office box and change your address to the post office box,
I am miffed about your lease and your obligations to it once you leave, but I am sure about this DO NOT send him personal checks it's like leaving a trail to where you are.
In all honesty (again its my opinion)
Stay focused on your move date,
Get that restraining order in place before you get into that apartment,
Don't bother with a goodbye,
And go and live your new life!
My local women’s center has been really good to me they have great advice on safety plans,
Maybe your local center can help you that stickler question about your lease.
Above all know that you doing the right thing,
I feel strength in your strength!
Stay Strong,
Stay Safe
Yurhiness
Hugs and my thoughts are with you.
ples
I really think that if you are going to leave you should do it without any contact with him, when he isn't home just take your stuff and go. If you aren't comfortable with that you should #1 get the restraining order because you can file it before you leave and have a police officer there with you when you take your stuff. Whatever you feel more comfortable, but make sure you have no contact after. That is the most dangerous time after leaving an abuser is actually getting away. That period of time they are furious, but GOOD THING YOU ARE LEAVING. I am not telling you to stay at all!! Please leave him, and take care. You might want to let a neighbor know to listen out for any noise or make a signal that only you and a close neighbor know. You don't want him to find out and then get all crazy on you. The worse thing I did was not give a signal to my neighbor, she heard him beating my a** and didn't call the police or anything because she didn't know whehter or not to. God bless you!!