cell # changed
Find a Conversation
cell # changed
| Wed, 03-03-2004 - 7:53pm |
Well all I took a step forward. I had my cell # changed since his little bimbo, crystal called last night and tried starting crap. Also, tonight he calls me and says he has been doing some thinking and really needed to talk but he would call later. Well, I called him so the girls could talk and I here her in the background, so he is once again blowing smoke up my a$% and I always fall for it. Why cant i get over him? Kevin has been so great through this and I am still so confused. I intend to call with a blocked # if I do call stbxh so he can't get the # and I am not gonna give it to anyone in his family. Christina



Changing your cell phone number was a big step away from the chaos your H is causing in your life. You need to get as much peace as you can before you can make the kind of big (huge) decisions you're facing. Much love and many hugs to you!
How did I end it? With brutal honesty. I told him I was horribly damaged and confused. That I wasn't lying when I made those promises to spend my life with him but that I kept expecting a moment of clarity when I knew with absolute certainty that he was the ONE, and that moment never came. While I do love him so much, the way I love him isn't the way I'd expect to feel about a man I want to spend my life with. I have real reservations, not about the way he treats me, but about some of the character traits I've always wanted it my "better half." He was lacking many of them.
I guess the clarity I have, that he can't get with, is that yes, I haven't been happy in a long time and I wished for someone loving and gentle to be the antithesis of H and heal my wounds. But that's about all I wanted. He was just like bandaging a cut. Once you've healed, you don't necessarily need all that dressing to keep getting better. What he brought me was absolutely beautiful, but not what I REALLY NEED. Just an example, I'm a professional well-educated woman. He's not particularly bright. He's not stupid or anything, just not very bright or ambitious. These are 2 characteristics that are a MUST in my book, just for compatibility. I can't talk to him about things that interest me because in many cases, he just doesn't get it. I can't talk to him about my work because he doesn't understand and frankly doesn't seem to be capable of understanding. That's a big black hole between us. I'm not being a snob, I'm being realistic about my needs. I think its a pretty universal understanding that couples need to be of about the same education and/or intellectual level. I think its especially difficult to make a relationship work when its the man whose not quite as intelligent/educated as the woman. I'm not saying this in true for all circumstances, but for me its a problem. And that's just one example.
Bf made me feel so darned good because he met all of the emotional needs that had gone unmet for so long. But that's all he did. Frankly, he was like taking a "happy" drug. When things got rough I ran to him and he made me feel better. It was totally unrealistic.
I tried to explain some of this (not the part about the difference in our intellects, that would have been too hurtful and unnecessary) but he totally didnt understand. Some of my friends have encouraged me by saying I did a loving and caring thing. Why waste any more of his time? when he could be out looking for Mrs. Right #2? I can't seem to convince him of that, though.
This is more information than you needed, certainly, but it felt good to vent. Ending this relationship has helped me feel stronger and more independent, but every few minutes it stings, alot. I'm sure you can imagine. Best of luck to you, Christina. What you're dealing with isn't easy. Love, Maureen
I can't write much right now due to being at work, but i really would like to write back once I get home. Our situations are so similar. christina