Miserable Today

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Miserable Today
3
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 9:50am
My dh is totally pissed at me today because he looked in our account and realized I've given ds money 3 times this week. I told him I clearly told him I was having to do it, but he thinks I sneaked behind his back and did it. He's a total control freak I may have to divorce him over this - I don't know how much more I can take and his emails this morning were so nasty my hands went freezing cold and I was shaking. Shame on him for feeling this way towards a child. He expects me to totally support him in anything he does, but I don't get the support back. I emailed him back this morning, told him he was being abusive, and that I didn't deserve it. I'm just really sad because it's going to break our little girl's heart. I stayed with another man like this I don't know how I lasted through 23 years. I'm just fed up with it my ds is not that bad. There are alot of kids who are worse. I've had to call the spouse abuse hotline on dh several times, including this morning. My heart is breaking I'm going through this again. I thought this man was different. My mom and dad were also abusive to me. Why does it keep happening to me???!! I'm crying at work. I've given this man everything I've got, and it's still not good enough. I'm sick of living having to be afraid of him. I've got to get out I can't take being treated like this again. Bless me I don't deserve to have to live like this. I'm afraid and feel all alone although I know there are many other women who live the same. My friend gets totally excited when her dh goes out of town because he beats her and is nasty to her when he's there. Total jerks how can men act like that??!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: chic45
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 10:32am

*gives you a huge hug and lets you cry on her shoulder*

Avatar for yurhiness
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
In reply to: chic45
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 10:52am
Chic45 I am sending you the biggest Cyber-hug right now!

Seems like you are having a difficult morning,

Maybe if you break each item down that happened this morning,

Into little piles you may not feel so very overwhelmed,

Now the money issue can be resolved,

So don���t spend your whole morning sending emails trying to explain,

It’s after the fact right? Its the communication he claims there was a lack of,

Which you obviously had informed him of prior to any withdrawals,

Any more emails will probably agitate him and upset you,

Now the other part of your morning,

The "afraid" part...

Have you explored your options?

You sound like a pretty strong sister to me,

You clearly explained how you DON"T want to be treated or made to feel,

Is it possible you are compromising your sense of safety for his companionship?

Do you feel you will be safe for him to come home and discuss the withdrawals calmly and in a civil manner?

The third part of your morning is what got me to reply to your message posting

I ask myself the same exact question...

Except I have thrown in the How and why do I...

keep finding the type of abusive individual to share my time with?

What’s unfortunate?

I do not have a definitive to answer that question,

Yet!

I am working on it,

I just wanted you to know,

That you have taken the loneliness out of that question,

And I want to thank you,

I thought it was just me, who asked it to myself time and time again,

I can’t help but to think of my sister,

She told me this joke once,

It is not a knee slapper by any means,

it is more like tongue in cheek and simplistic,

Man goes to the doctor and says,

"Say doc, it hurts when I do this!" as he raises his extended arm up towards the ceiling.

The man says "whats your advice doc?"

The Doctor says, "Don't do that!"

In other words I am beginning to understand that old idiom

Insanity is...

Doing the same thing and expecting a different result!

I am hoping you can at least smile sometime this morning Chic45,

so i am going to leave you with this,

Two men are walking down the street,

one says "Awww, look a dead bird!"

the other looks up and says "Where?"

men....

can't live wit em

and cant kill em and get away with it!

but we can leave them there are more and better

and its okay not to have a man around as well,

I pray you might take a step back and look at your situation carefully

Consider what changes you might have to make to ensure happiness and safety for you and your daughter.

Thanks Again

Peace & Positivity

Yurhiness


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: chic45
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:34am
Thank you all for such supportive replies. They say the ones who can still cry are the ones who are ok - you can still feel feelings (abuse counselor told me this once). My hands this morning alternate between freezing, because I'm stressed out, and warm when I realize I don't have to spend today with him - I'm working 15 hours a day for probably the next month helping the legislature do the budget. I only hope he doesn't go as far as to hurt our dd because I'm not sure what I'd do over that - go ballistic I'm sure. I don't think he'll do that, but you never know. I was severely sexually abused as a teenager, and I know from my years of counseling over that that some of my reaction today is a boomerang effect from that - us who have been severely abused the effects of something can be 10 times worse because our minds magnify it. I'll be glad when this time passes....Shame on the men who take advantage of their women and act in such a ridiculously childish and immature manner! There, thank you, now I feel a little better.