Thanks so much

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Thanks so much
5
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 10:32am
Hi Ladies,

I did not have the chance to reply to each of you individually. I just want to say thanks. You are all right, the no contact is the best thing. It just goes through my mind is he thinking of me, but I shouldn't care. He loved our previous break ups and how I would cry and he would remind me, you cry when we aren't together so act right, like a woman and we can be together. That isn't right. Being a woman to him is a slave, a down right slave. I did the same thing as one of you said, keeping track of the bills and making sure he had food after I left. I just want to say it has been 2 weeks since we have seen each other and almost 1 week since we have spoke to each other. You know what, since I've read your replies. I feel good about it. I also read some information on a site about red flags in abusive relationships, I answered yes to so many of the questions. I said if you answer yes to at least one, you should put on your running shoes. Thank you, you are all helping me heal. I am attending church and finding blessings through the Lord. I will pray for all of you too. That the Lord will grant us peace within and keep us strong for our everyday struggles. That the men that abused us will have no power over our feelings and they too will find peace. That we will be treated as the beautiful women we all truly are and find the happiness we all deserve. Amen. God bless all of you. LOTS of LOVE

Bella

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: ibellasara
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 10:57am
I am glad you were able to find healing from the board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
In reply to: ibellasara
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:33pm
Thanks, you are so right. I was sick for son long when I was with him, throwing up headaches shaking. I do stil shake and since have developed migraines. I remember chest pains that would make me cry and I would cry even harder because I knew it was wrong. Some of the things these guys do is so traumatizing to the mind you almost forget the bad they have done and remember good things. I have this old nasty message from 2 weeks ago, so it isn't that old, but when I listen to it. I can only make it half way through and I realize how tense my body gets and how I start breathing all crazy and then I hang up the phone and say I don't want to talk to him, he is just going to make me feel bad again. Thanks so much!!! You really have good advice to give. God bless you!!

Bella

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: ibellasara
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:34pm
Thank you Darlin, that means a lot to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
In reply to: ibellasara
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 3:06pm
You are right, they do look totally different when they get angry. That is funny you say that your xbf looked like the devil because I thought mine did too. That is how I described his face to him it is like a metamorphasis. I remember him screaming at me too, I didn't eat also. I am eating now, I wasn't able to gain weight for the longest. I've weighed 98 lbs forever, Since I left him I weigh 107, I am 5'1" so that is a good weight for me. I still have trouble sleeping because I have weird dreams of him. Really weird things. It is so distrubing when I think of all this. He was really verbally abusive when I first started living with him, he would say things like what are you stupid why can't you do this or what kind of a woman do I have. He would get so angry when my son would snore and he could hear it, so I would creep into my sons room and gently wake him and let him go back to sleep. Isn't that nasty. Since we've left my son doesn't snore or grind his teeth any more. What a jerk, now that I think about it, but you know they get on this nice behavior and throw you off. It hurts, I am sure that I will get through it. Thank God I am in good health despite my disease, I think if I wasn't it would be a lot harder. Everything happens for a reason, I think mine was to let me live a longer healthier life. If I were to stay, I would have probably been really sick, or my cells would go down due to catering to him. He got mad at me 2 weeks ago because he wanted me to come over and spend the night. Well I told him I was baby sitting my friends 2 kids so she could go to college, he was so upset he hung up on me. I didn't talk to him, but I left him voicemails trying to explain myself telling him I had spent the night before and that I was doing nothing wrong by taking care of children. That didn't work, then he received the letter in the mail about abuse, and how victims are traumatized. He left me a nasty message and I left a nice one back and said may God be with you because I didn't do this as an attack it was to inform you of my feelings since you aren't considerate enough to listen when I talk, I figured I would find it and mail it to you. We haven't spoke since. Sorry for blabbing. Thanks for listening. You have a wonderful heart and I appreciate you and your thoughts, believe me I am taking heed. lol

Bella

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: ibellasara
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 3:14pm
Oh my.