Advice, support...anything

Avatar for tia_c24
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Advice, support...anything
4
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 5:24pm
He sent me a Valentine's card with a letter a few weeks ago and yesturday i received a short letter from him. I did read them. I know some of you who know my story are thinking i shouldn't of bothered to read his letters because its like having contact. I couldn't help but be curious as to what he has been doing with himself since i left him almost 8 months ago. He joined the Air Force. He probably thinks since he's done something positive with his life that i'll get over my anger and talk to him or give him another chance. When i left him I told him that the only thing i want for him to do is better himself any way that he could because he would NEVER have another chance with me. I know he's hoping he can somehow make it up to me and make things better between us since the last conversation we had was not very friendly which was back in September. I'm still angry at him and still feel like ripping his head off. He said in his letter that he can't imagine not ever talking to me again and he even compared it to the pain when his mother disowned him and told him he's not her son anymore. He also said he still loved me and thinks about me all the time. Whatever.... he's still an a--hole, and joining the Air Force sure as heck ain't going to make him a better person. I've been debating on whether i should write him back or just not contact him at all. I have so many feelings to let out but at the same time i want to keep it short and simple. I want to tell him that i'm glad for what he's done for himself but its time for him to move on and not contact me anymore. I don't love him and i don't want him back in my life. I'm sure i said all these things to him before but i know he didn't take them serious because he thought it was my anger speaking and maybe i didn't mean all those things that i said. He's so clueless. Well other than that I'm still a little depressed and still trying to work on me but i'm much better than before. I'm still struggling with Nursing school. I didn't do to well on my first exam and i'm not too happy about that. My 2nd exam is tomorrow and it covers so many chapters that i haven't read or studied. I don't have motivation to study and i find it difficult to concentrate. I'm afraid that i won't pass. I need atleast a 75% to pass into the next semester. Well i'm going to try and study right now. Hope everyone is ok. Thanks for listening. Hugs, Tia.



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 9:23pm

I have to keep this short, hon -


Don't write him back.

CL-Blueliner4

Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 6:02pm
I agree with Gabby; well said. Sometimes silence speaks louder than any words could. You do not owe him another explanation nor do you need to confirm for him that you have remained committed to your original decision (wtg 8 months is AWESOME!). When they write us or make comments, it drums up the old hopes, dreams and wishes...those that ended up trampled because of their abuse. You see, we suffer a double loss -- that of the person we love/d and that of the hope and dream we had of them and us for the future. I think the dying of the dream is hardest of all. I still think of it often...just wishing things could have been different. Mind you, I am also in no way considering returning to my X, but do I long for the family unit we once had, raising our children together, the lifestyle, the "fun" times...the dream... Oh yes, sure I do. If someone could drop down today and say, I guarantee that he is well and he will never abuse again, I wouldn't think twice about reconciling. Sadly, no one is ever going to do that; nor is he ever going to be the man that he should have been. You are on your way to a beautiful new future -- and you are doing amazing. Just cap that ink pen and deliver your message clearly...by not delivering one at all. ~~~gentle hugs dear...keep studying..I can't wait to see your post about how well you do on this next exam! We're all pulling for ya!
Avatar for tia_c24
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 6:40pm
Thank you both for your advice and support. I've decided not to write him back. I have been torturing myself with this situation. I was constantly thinking about what i should do and what i should say in the letter. I've noticed a change in my attitude the last few days. I haven't been social with my classmates or friends. Today i felt like i alienated almost everyone because i didn't feel like speaking to anyone or being around anyone. I feel like i'm making some of my classmates uncomfortable. Maybe i'm just being paranoid. I just want my ex to leave me alone and i know he won't, or atleast it'll be a long time before he gives up. He's so persistant. My biggest fear is him coming out to my place or my job to try and find out if i'm still alive & ok and why i haven't written him back. I'm sure he's used to me getting over my anger, forgiving him and talking to him like everything is going to be ok but its not going to be like that anymore. I don't know why but i keep thinking i have to make closure just to find some peace but i don't know how.

Anyways the good news is i passed my 2nd nursing exam. I got an 86%. My clinical instructor congratulated me this morning. That felt good. I didn't think i would do that well so it surprised me when i found out. Thank God. I needed something to cheer me up. Again thank you so very much for your help gals. I really needed it. Many hugs, Tia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 6:52pm

Yeah, you go girl!

CL-Blueliner4