To go back or not?
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| Mon, 03-08-2004 - 8:25pm |
Right now i am trying to decide on whether or not to go visit a man who has been abusive to me in the past.
We moved in together about a two years ago (worked together for about 6 months but only were dating for 3) I had no idea he had a violent side when we moved in together. If anything i thought he was the most sensitive man i had ever dated. He also hit it off great w/ my daughter (then 2 years old) ...she conected w/ him better than any other person i had seen. and it wasnt like he spoiled her or anything like that.
So only about a month into moving in together he started showing signs of major jealosy and control. Then one night we had a fight and it got so bad i ran out of the house w/ no shoes on to a neighbors. he had majorly damaged the house. Well we made up and it happend many times after that.
well after living together for 8 months we decided to move apart and try to work things out. While we lived apart there were many more frightening insidents. mostly when i stayed at his house.
One of his saving graces was that he hardly ever lost his temper in front of my daughter. Untill one night he lost it in front of not only my daughter but also my roomate ( a mutual friend of ours) This happend to shed some light on his problem for him. I also did alot of research on abuse cause i just couldnt understand why this man i loved so much could hurt me. I also gave a book about abuse to him and he read it and agreed he had a problem.
Well its been 5 months ...he has gone to costa rica for a month came back ..stayed w/ me for a month (in which no violent incidents happend but we actually kept some distance from each other ...i wasnt ready to jump back into loving him again) now he has been in florida and wants me to come visit. He says he has changed that he could never go back to the way he was before. I know by talking to him that he has done some major soul serching but i think that i would feel better if he went into conseling.
I would give nothing to have a happy and healthy relationship w/ this man ....but does that ever happen.....does a man who is prone to abuse his loved one change??

Hi D_Knees and welcome -
Statistically, less than 1% of abusers ever change, and this is with intensive batterer's intervention therapy.
CL-Blueliner4