please help, considering leaving..scared
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please help, considering leaving..scared
| Wed, 03-10-2004 - 4:48pm |
Hello, I am new to this. I have been married now for almost four years. I am 27 years old and very confused and depressed. Not sure what to do! We have no kids together or with anyone else.
Here is my story and if anyone could please give me some advise.....
Somtimes when my H and I fight he ends up pushing me around, slapping me in the face and sometimes even chokes me. He calls me the most horrible things I have ever heard before. He is mentally draining me telling me how stupid I am, name calling terribly and he also questions my religion... belittles my family. It is killing me inside as a person can only take so much. He continues to tell me he doesn't mean the things he says and it is all out of anger. I have tried to tell him over and over how these things make me feel. I have no self esteem. Often I do stick up for myself when he says mean comments.. but that just ends up with me locking myself in the bathroom. He also says I make him get physical with me. I guess sticking up for myself is no good for him. I am really thinking about leaving him... after taking this for over 4 years.
Here is my story and if anyone could please give me some advise.....
Somtimes when my H and I fight he ends up pushing me around, slapping me in the face and sometimes even chokes me. He calls me the most horrible things I have ever heard before. He is mentally draining me telling me how stupid I am, name calling terribly and he also questions my religion... belittles my family. It is killing me inside as a person can only take so much. He continues to tell me he doesn't mean the things he says and it is all out of anger. I have tried to tell him over and over how these things make me feel. I have no self esteem. Often I do stick up for myself when he says mean comments.. but that just ends up with me locking myself in the bathroom. He also says I make him get physical with me. I guess sticking up for myself is no good for him. I am really thinking about leaving him... after taking this for over 4 years.

Welcome to the board - you'll find a ton of help here.
Pam
this man is killing you on the inside and will continue to do this until you leave. verbal abuse can be worse then physical b/c you can't see the scars and some ppl ignore it. but, you are getting it on the physical end to. this man needs help. but, you can't help him. he has to help himself. you can talk or excuse me try to talk to him until you are blue in the face and nothing will work. maybe for a little while but he will always restort to these tactics. these ways of dealing with his anger. it sounds like he is trying to blame you and his anger for his ways. but, it isn't your fault. you are just a victim to his abuse.
"i have no self esteem"
this is what these men want. you have got to stand up and take care of yourself. take your life back. dont let him make you beleive you are something that you are not. this is a sickness and i wish you all the luck in your journey to freedom.
please come back, keep posting.
hugs,
mel
ACK!
Welcome Purple -
I wasn't much older than you when I left, and I had been with my XH for about the same amount of time.
CL-Blueliner4
Make sure you go to this board's homepage and read all you can about the tactics, cycle of abuse and the effects. He is cutting down your self esteem so that he can further control you and make you feel like you are nothing. If you are nothing, then you will soon believe that you actually deserve being treated this way. You DON'T deserve this. And the one thing that took me a LONG time to realize and understand is that they actually CHOOSE to treat us this way. Think about it, we control our own actions and words, you don't hit something unless you make the concious decision to hit something. You certainly wouldn't hit someone that you love. This is not love, it is control. The conditioning effects are in place and it will only continue to get worse as time goes on. The tactics will change and the abuse will change through the years, but it will always be there. This is who he is, it is his personality and he is not going to change. Save yourself and make a fresh start while you are still young. Someday you will meet someone who will love you unconditionally and without abuse. You DO NOT want to have children with this man, not only do they abuse their wives, most times they abuse their children also.
Be sure to post as much as you need to. I credit this board to my survival. If it wasn't for the support I received here, I don't know that I would have left - or at least not as soon as I did.
Good luck, and welcome. You are among those that understand and have been there.
jenny