Hated to end it like that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Hated to end it like that!
3
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 5:55pm
I'm new here...never realized that I was being abused verbally until Tuesday night. My fiance was drinking and decided to go into a rage. He told me again that I had no friends and no social skills, that he lived with me only because he felt sorry for me because I can't control the way I am. He spit in my face and he kicked my cat. He also trashed the apartment. He pulled the panelling off the walls, threw a flower pot at the wall, threatened to hit me with the pot, smashed a chair on the floor almost hitting my roommate. I was terrified of him for the first time ever. But as I think back on it, he has many times belittled me, threatened me, called me names,drank and spent time away with friends without telling me causing me to worry, telling me I never do anything when I pay most of the bills (all of them now since he got laid off), saying that I have to continue to work in a job I hate for financial reasons, telling me I don't keep him satisfied, that I'm boring... for the last four years. My problem is though since I was so terrified I had him arrested (which was an ordeal) and he spent two days in jail. I have a protection order saying he cannot come back to the house except with an officer to collect his belongings. I don't want to see him anymore, but I do feel the need for closure. I don't want my last time seeing him to be in handcuffs as he's dragged to a police car. Any suggestions for closure and my safety?

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 6:43pm

Hi Pat -


I would have been just as terrified in your position.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 7:37am
Thanks and you are right. I won't let the protection order lapse. I am also moving as soon as my work contract is up and then he won't even know where I am...at least I won't tell him. The police came to collect his things last night and told me the same thing you did. I am glad I have a supportive roommate so that I was not alone. It was very hard. Sean was across the street with his dad and they didn't let him come in. Of course it sucked to have to be the one to pack up his things. I thought I was all strong, but I still broke down and cried. Then because I did that my neighbor assumed I was going to take him back (which I"m not!!) and started lecturing me. I'm finding it hard to grieve for the good parts of my relationship without being lectured and this is only the beginning. I can't wait to move and feel like I have a fresh start...just 3 1/2 more months seems like an eternity.

Also, his parents have been harrassing me to drop the charges and the order because it's going to cost them money. I told them he cost me a fortune in house repairs if I'm going to leave my rental property with any kind of dignity. The policeman told them not to contact me anymore either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 1:12pm

That sounds very similar to what another poster is currently dealing with.

CL-Blueliner4