HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DHARMA!!! :oD
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DHARMA!!! :oD
| Fri, 03-12-2004 - 8:44am |
Dharma, honey, I hope you had a *fabulous* day in Toronto today with your girls . . . and congratulations on making this the first year of your *new* life!!! Lots of love and BIIIIIG birthday ((((hugs))))!!!
Love,
Emm

HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
DHARMA!!!
CL-Blueliner4
Happy Birthday to you, dharma!
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou
Ree
My h actually bought me a $150 gift certificate to a day spa...and I'm like "WTF?"....I don't even want to use it, but its nonrefundable. He actually was home by 5 pm (a FIRST IN YEARS) and made me a cake. The funny thing is...for the past 15 years I've asked him to make me a cake--that is all I ever wanted....just make me a dumb cake. Its the one thing he never did--until yesterday...instead he would just buy me a cake, usually one HE liked. When I would ask him to make me one, he would make fun of me, or simply just tell me no. I mean, how hard is it making a cake from a box? A couple of eggs, some oil and water....sheesh. Now, its the last thing I want from him.
My plans to go out last night were cancelled at the last minute...which is ok because there was a family emergency with my best friend, so I was asleep my 9:30 pm.
Yesterday, my sister called to wish me a Happy Birthday and I told her my plans and decisions....she said no one in the family will be surprised and that its been coming for a long while and that all the family will support me. She knows how hard I've tried...she knows how controlling he is. She also hit the nail on the head when she said "Honey, you're not a failure at this" and that's when I broke down and sobbed. I rarely admit defeat and rarely to I succomb to it. At she knows me better then I would like to admit...because deep down I do feel like a failure. Despite knowing that its NOT ME...I can't seem to get it out of my head. I can always find someone who's had it much worse then me, stuck it out and still managed to be "happy" (or appear to be) and I think "why can't I have done this? why can't I have figured out a way to cope with this?" I'm working it through it...and imagine I will for years. Everyone, and I mean everyone, tells me that there was nothing for me to do or to try....done it all and yet I can't shake it.
I just keep listening to Madonna's "Power of Goodbye" esp. the lines
"Freedom comes when you learn to let go...."
"There's nothing left to try
theres no place left to hide
There's no greater power
then the power of goodbye"
"Your heart is not open, so I must go
You were my lesson I had to learn"
"There's nothing to lose
there's no more heart to bruise
there is no greater power
then the power of goodbye"
You know things are pretty low when you look to the Material Girl for sage words....LMAO!
and I keep telling myself that no matter how down I feel....there's only one way to look...and that is UP!
dharma
I hope your friend heals quickly!
May this be just the first birthday of many to come, which in the future will only get better and better!
Happy B-day Hugs