Repost from PSFC: He hit me...now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Repost from PSFC: He hit me...now what?
6
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 7:39pm

I'm cl-2nd_life from the Problem Solving for Couples board.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 12:14am

Thanks for reposting for her, 2nd life.

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 2:26pm
I spent the weekend doing almost nothing except rolling this around in my head. I have also been doing alot of praying and I came up with an idea this morning after reading your response to my post. I was in the middle of calling a friend to take me to the courthouse tomorrow morning to file another PO. While in the middle of making the call, my FIL knocked at my door. When I answered, he handed me a card that my DH had asked him to give to me. I assume that it is an Anniversary card, since our 1 yr. anniversary will be tomorrow. I haven't even opened it. Anyway, I left a message for my friend to call me back. My FIL wanted to know what my intentions were and this is what I told him.

I told him that I did not want for my DH to return home when the PO was lifted. I told my FIL that I needed to have some more time away from him, that there was no way that I could 'deal' with him right now. I told him that in order for me to even begin to regain some trust, that he needs to be in therapy for a while and that I need to have some sort of idea as to where he in his therapy. If, at some point that I, and the therapist, counselers (whatever) feel that he is making some real good progress, then I may feel a little safer about him returning home. I asked my FIL if he knew about the drug relapse that happened a few weeks ago and he was blown away by it. He said that he would turn his back on his son if he continued down a destructive path.

My FIL called me a couple of hrs. later and told me that he had passed my message on to my DH. My DH said that he understood. My FIL then asked me if I would still be willing to participate in the family business. ( I find and dispatch loads to my DH for him to pick up and deliver; state-to-state.) I said that I would have no problem with that, but to make it clear to my DH that I would contact him with news of possible loads and that I wanted to keep our relationship 'strictly business', and if at any time that my DH wanted to take advantage of that phone time, then I 'would' hang up.

My FIL asked for me to return my debit card to him. He said that he would mail me a check each week. My DH would get half of his earnings and the kids and I would get the other half to pay the bills, buy groceries, etc. I agreed, considering that I receive child support checks each month on one of my children.

I would love to go to DV counseling, but unfortunately, I do not have a driver's license or vehicle. I live in the country, so public transportation is out of the question. My friends and neighbors are great, but they also have jobs, kids, lives...

Most of my family members live a good deal away and don't even know about this.

I am praying for all of you out there who are in bad situations. I pray that things work out for me and my boys. I know that with the grace of God and each other, we can all somehow get through these troubling times.

Please feel free to give me some imput and thoughts. They are appreciated and will be taken into consideration.

Harley

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 10:35am

I recognize what your father-in-law chooses to do is his own business, but proposing to just decide you get half your husband's paycheck isn't legal.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 11:37am
First of all, I want to thank you for the advice on the FIL issue. I have contacted the Victim Assistance Program in my area and they hooked me up with a number to an attorney who can give me some legal advice. I am waiting for a return call.

I have also contacted the Sheriff's Office and requested to have a property check done every so often to make sure that my H does not come here and bother me and my children. The PO will be lifted tomorrow at 5:00p.m. He has to go to court tomorrow at 3:00p.m. to face the judge. I do not know what will happen, but I do know that he plans to go back out on the road and will probably want to stop by. Whether or not if he will, I do not know, but I do not plan do be here "just in case."

Emotionally, I am drained. I sit here in front of this board all day and into the evening, reading post after post. I feel so badly for everyone. Unfortunately, I am not alone in this. I pray everyday that these men get what they deserve.

I still have not found the energy to clean up my house. It is a mess. This is totally out of character for me. Maybe part of me is hoping that he will come back here and saok up the damage that has been done. Blood stains in the carpet and on the wall. My lack of interest in even doing the dishes or picking laundry up off of the floor. The bruises on my face, the hurt in my children's eyes, I wish that he could see. Maybe after I know for sure that he is out-of-state, I will feel more like cleaning up the mess. Right now, I just don't care. Even taking a shower seems to take so much effort. My mind is consumed on what to do, where to go from here. I am feeling strong one minute and weak and depressed the next.

I was in an accident quite a few years ago. I had no insurance and it was my fault. I was sued by the victim's in the accident for a sum of $10,000.00. According to DMV and the attorney's, I cannot retain my license until I start paying payments to the attorneys. Ever since I have been fighting for custody of my oldest son, my H and I have been in debt and could not afford to pay an additional $100.00 a month to another attorney. We felt that my son was more important. I will touch base on this subject too with the attorney later on today.

This has gotten pretty long, so I am going to end it. I will keep you updated on my progress. Hopefully, my actions can help someone else.

Thanks Again,

My Thoughts and Prayers to Everyone...

Harley

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 3:22pm
P.S. Thinking about Legal Seperation too. Any advice???

Harley

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 11:17pm

I understand how you're feeling, the numbness, the lack of motivation, the shock of it all.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_