Am I that stupid?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Am I that stupid?
3
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 7:17pm
Well, I just found out today that my rent check bounced because he stole $120 from me before the major incident Tuesday night when I had to have him arrested and get the protection order. I don't know how he got hold of my ATM card and how he got it back in my purse before I even noticed. He had been stealing money from me in bits and pieces before this, but just small amounts...nothing that huge. The worst part is that I found out he was spending it on crack and now it makes perfect sense why he went so absolutely crazy...even more so than those nights when he was drinking. I just don't know how I could have been with someone for four years and not known he did that stuff. My sister had told me he did, but I just got mad at her and said she didn't know what she was talking about (she knew some of his friends). I just feel so horrible because I was not brought up in that kind of environment and don't know how I could have gotten mixed up with a crack addict and not even known it. I feel so completely stupid and like I should have known better. And I'm ticked off about the rent because now I'll have to get a money order every month (if I'm lucky enough not to get evicted) and I have worked so hard to keep things together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 7:38pm

Hi Pat, welcome back -


First off, speak with the landlord.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 8:09am
Hey, Pat. Please don't ever feel ashamed of your H's drug problems. It's important to remember that they are *his* problems -- NOT yours (regardless of what he tells you)! For example, here is a *partial* listing of all the drugs my STBXH has done *at least* once, just during the six years of our relationship:

- Marijuana (daily)

- Alcohol (weekly)

- Cocaine

- Crack

- LSD

- Ecstasy

- Mushrooms

- Prescription painkillers (not sure what kind, but I don't think it was oxy)

- Ritalin (he doesn't have a prescription -- he liked to snort it)

- Various types of prescription "speeders"

Remember -- this is just what I know of . . . there may have been more. He would literally try anything he could get his hands on. So, you see, you're not alone. And don't think for one minute that the drugs are the problem -- he is. My STBXH would be *more* abusive when he *wasn't* under the influence of some kind of drug, probably because he didn't have an "outlet" for his "stress" without at least smoking pot several times per day. That was his way of "relaxing," and he couldn't relax without it. So, if he didn't have any pot, his stress levels would rise, and guess who he took it out on.

As awful as it feels to know that your H is a drug addict, please know that you're not alone. Feel free to e-mail me through my profile if you need to talk. I completely understand what you're going through -- money being stolen and all.

Love & Hugs,

Emm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 10:57am
Your post has hit close to home and if you are stupid then I am right beside you! Actually, neither of us is tupid, only well meaning, loving people who tried to see the best in another human being. I left my stbx over a month ago because his agrression was escalating and his behaviour eratic only to find out that he was doing drugs the whole time. NOw I knew he had a problem but had given it all up when we got serious and now it turns out he went back to it all and who knows what else. Them after I left he tried to use this fact to make me feel sorry for him, as if by admitting it to me he was all better and Iw ould fix him again. No way.

Please do not put yourself down over his problems, I too asked myself, how could I end upl ike this. Here I am raising 2 kids, taking them church, I am smart and capable and here I am stuck to this loser, drug/alchoholic, codependant monster for the rest of my life. But you knowm its not their life it is ours adn regardless of what they do we are still who we are and nothing less.

Oh, yeah, mine was a total theif too! Then 2 weeks after I left him he was calling me up asking for money! Like I was going to give him any more money for pills! Hopefully, this will be the last of him for you and I am sure you wont be evicted. It sound like you are doing a fine job so do not worry. Hugs.