another step forward

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
another step forward
2
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 8:54pm
Today I went and signed up for the dental assistant program. I am really nervous about doing it because it is alot of money but I think it is a good step to be taking and will help ensure that I can provide a decent living for me and my son. I have a job interview tommorrow and am not sure I will be able to make it because of a winter storm that is supposed to come in tonight. We will see what happens I guess.

My husband called tonight just to talk about nothing. I havent told him that I am going to school yet. I am not sure anymore what to tell him and what not to tell him. Over the weekend I thought I did pretty good about not telling him what I did all week but then when he came over Saturday to take my son and me out to lunch my son told him about me delivering phone books and about our visit to the apartments that I want to move to. Right away he looked at me and said "do you even have a job yet?" and I said no. Sigh.

I dont know what is keeping me from filing for divorce. I guess that I just want to be 100 percent sure that it is the right thing to do. And for some reason I am afraid to file right now. I need money though and filing would help with that...my husband has only paid for a few things since we left...like my sons hair cut and for his after school bowling.

Also on Saturday he came at 1 and dropped us off at 3:30. He has my car now and could have spent more time with our son but he didnt and that kind of irritates me. I think my son was just happy to spend some time with his dad but I am angry because now that he has the car he is not seeming to make any effort really. I had to suggest that we go to the park...he wasnt even going to do that. It was like he had something better to do to rush off and do on Saturday. It just makes me wonder if he doesnt have someone else in the picture maybe. And I guess I really dont care if he does but in a way it would make me angry if he did because he keeps acting like he wants to work things out and it would just be totally stupid for him to lie like that.

Anyway I just wanted to update you all on what is going on. Huge hugs to you all.

Ree

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 9:03am
YEAH! Ree....good going! I'm so excited that you applied for the school...it sounds like it will be a good thing!

I know all about that fear of filing...and even after you do, there is always the fear of "not" doing the right thing....but you know deep down it is, just like I do. I keep pushing forward, terrified I'm making the wrong decision...but I just keep pushing forward

I hope the snow doesn't prevent your job interview....it just started here and we are expecting 7-10 inches...blech...I'm sooo done with the darned white stuff.

dharma (who's trying so hard to be positive today, despite feeling not so positive)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 10:56am
You are so on the right track and I think his self absorbtion and neglect are a result of watching you get on your feet. The stronger you get themore he will try to bring you down and right now the tactic he is using is self pity and selfishness. Now do not ask me how that works I just know that each time my stbx realized I took another step (bank account, applied for a house etc) he gets all mopey and instead of trying to be more in my life like you would expect he starts to whine and ignore thekids and other ridiculous stuff.

I am so proud of you going for the dental assistant opportunity you are showing your son so much strength and courage and that is what he will carry with him for the rest of his life. Watch out for the small, but sharp, barbs he will take at as you make your way to establishing your own life. Mine takes cracks at my ability to take care of the car (in my case the car is in my name and he cant take it), or budget my money, anything he can to unbalance me. Yousound as if you are getting stronger everyday and that is so encouraging. Keep up the good work!