HELP! I am so confused...
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HELP! I am so confused...
| Tue, 03-16-2004 - 1:58pm |
I don't know what the heck is going onwith my H. Friday night we were out and had a good time, then all of a sudden, he started flipping out because I did not show him enough appreciation for the $1500 ring he bought me as a 10th anniversary gift (nevermind the fact that he broke my engagement ring 8 yrs ago and never replaced it, or that he gave it to me a week early when we haven't even had time together or that we are supposed to go away for the weekend to "celebrate"). Apparently the "appreciation" he is looking for is centered around oral sex (isn't he romantic?)and my giving him a kiss as thanks was not good enough. Then he justed started screaming at me on the way home telling me that I am useless, I don't contribute anything, that all I do is sleep all day long (I work 3rd shift and NEVER get 8 hrs of sleep). Then when we got home he crawled into the middle of the bed, told me to sleep somewhere else and that he was packing his stuff and leaving first thing in the morning. But the next morning, he slept until noon and by the time he came out of the room, my mom had stopped in to visit (ironically enough, to see my ring). He was supposed to go to camp that afternoon, in fact was supposed to be gone by noon. I had no idea what was going to happen because of the night before. But, he just got ready and before he left came over and hugged me and tickled me (I hate that!) and was all lovey dovey before he left. Then, Sunday night, when he wasn't home by 6 I had my son call to see when he was coming home because he was 1 1/2 hrs away and I needed to lie down and take a nap before leaving for work at 10 and I needed to make sure he'd be there. He sounded sort of mad about coming home, but did get home by 7:45 and was real nice when he got home. I went to work and everything was fine. He stopped in Monday morning while he was working, (we don't normally see each other because he leaves before I get home) and he was fine then, as well. I had a church meeting that night and he was supposed to come home to stay with the kids so I did not have to take them with me. He called and said he'd be home in plenty of time, then, while I was putting supper on the table he called and asked what I was doing and I told him and he again said that he was at the bar but that he'd be home before my meeting. Then, 2 minutes before my meeting was to start he called and said he was "running late" and could I take the kids with me. By this time, I already had them ready to go. Normally, I would flip out at this point, but I was trying to not be that way because of Friday night. So, we went to the meeting and came home and at 9:20 I really wanted to lie down for a 1/2 hr. before leaving for work, but he wasn't here yet and I was worried about him being late, so I called him to check. He started flipping out on me telling me how he was mad because he doesn't know where he stands with me and that he's afraid to come home because HE doesn't know what is going on. He was mad because I did not sleep in the same bed as him on Friday night (the night he banned me from the bed). At this point I realized that he did not remember what had been said that night, so I told him why I wasn't there and he was still mad at me for it. Then he demanded that I come pick him up, which meant I had to find someone to go with me so that he had his truck for work the next day. So, my sister and I went to get him (had to take the kids with me, eventhough it was their bedtime) and I called when we were almost there so he'd be waiting outside because I needed to leave for work and yet, I still had to go into the bar after him. Then we fought the entire way home (my sister had the kids in my car). He kept going on about how I need to "sh-- or get off the pot" what a way to describe a marriage. And either I'm his f------ wife or I'm f------ single, I need to decide. This is all minutes before I had to leave for work. Since I am a temporary, I can not take off or it will mess up my chances for getting in permanent. He told me it was my decision, he wasn't living this way anymore, either I am a wife to him or he was leaving, just let him know. So, I left for work, crying hysterically the entire way because I am so confused. Work was hell because of it, and I was trying to hide my tears from my coworkers (luckily I have to wear safety glasses, that helped). I dreaded talking to him today because I didn't know what to do, I still don't. Who will stay with my kids while I work if he is gone? How will I survive on what I make because I am scared to depend on him to support me if he isn't here? Will he back out of coaching my daughter's t-ball team (which will break her heart). I mean, he pulled all this, while saying that the things he said Friday night (after I repeated them to him) were a bit exageratted. So, I just hung up from talking to him, and, once again, he is acting like nothing was said last night. Like he did not give me an ultimatum. Like I didn't leave the house in hysterics or have to pick him up from the bar. Plus, last night during his rampage, he was screaming about how nobody f---s with him and that he is going to shoot the people that do. By this, he means the ex-friend that punched him in August and almost made him blind in one eye (supposedly for no reason, but I still wonder), the guy that attempted to rape his sister 2 weekends ago (he has been arrested, but my H and his mom both want to shoot him) and lastly, the guy that was one of his best friends and my son's godfather, his wife was my best friend but things with my H have made the entire relationship bad, but now my H says that this guy f----d with him and now he's going punch him the next time he sees him and that he will get the same thing that the other two are getting. I don't know what to do. If I leave, will he consider me a person that f----d with him? I never know what he will remember doing or how I should react. I don't know what to do. I'm scared and I'm confused! I don't even know who to talk to about any of it. I don't know what move to make next because I'm sure that no matter what I do, it will be wrong.
Sorry this is so long. I seem to ramble a lot.

And with the spring comes nerfherder breeding season...
Your H sounds just like my XH at the end of my marriage, down to phrases he's using.
CL-Blueliner4