I pushed him last night

Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
I pushed him last night
3
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 8:58am
he got me so mad last night he got right in my face and I told him to back away and he yelledthat he didn't have to so I pushed him. He grabbed my face so I think I pushed him again ( I honestly can't remember everything happened so fast). The lens popped out of my glasses, which he ended up fixing. I started heading toward the door and he ranted and raved. Tld him i was going to call the cops he told me if i did I would be the one going to jail because I pushed him first. So i got scared so I ended up staying. Is that true that I could have went to jail. I Know i complain a lot but this is the only place I feel I can vent. So later on that night he wakes me up to have sex, i didn't really want to I just went along and whatever. He hugged me and said "You know why I did that"? "Because that is a thank you for staying, I need you to be a partner and stay and learn, I know its hard for you because you work out everyday, go to work then come home". He doesn't work so.....I just feel like I am at a loss here. Thanks for listening. I really do appreciate it
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 10:00am

My goodness you had an interesting night.

Avatar for buffphone
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 10:04am
Hugs smoothone! I know exactly what you're going through. So I'm going to ask you to stand back from it all for one moment and look at something.

Abusers are master manipulators, they are control freaks, they are also puppetmasters.

Look at it from this angle. He is using you like a puppet, he pulls a string(gets you mad), pulls another string(gets you pissed), and now gets you to respond to his manipulating your emotions to get just the response he's looking for, you pushing back.

Please do not ever fight back unless it is a life threatening confrontation. Many abusers will get us so confused and disorientated that they can push a button, get us to push or hit back, then turn it around and say we initiated the confrontation. This is too common and then the abuser shows the police that we abuse them instead of the truth.

They do this not by chance but with years of trial and error to finely tune thier routine.

I urge you to contact your local shelter network and take the time to get into counseling for yourself. You need to learn how to legally defend yourself so that you don't find yourself in this position. A good friend of mine was arrested for abuse because she hit her H in the same scenario you are going through. Only with a good lawyer and learning to not respond was she able to prove that he truely was the abuser.

Please take the time to start learning more how to protect yourself not only emotionally but physically and legally. You have to learn to call 911, the shelter or leave and find a safe place, whether a shelter or friend or family, and then report the abuse.

Don't allow him to manipulate you any more for all he's doing is getting you so mad you lose your ability to think straight and play right into his abuse.

I hope you find some help locally so that you can get free from his abuse and you can find a happier life. Keep coming here to vent, ask and learn more so that you can take that step.

Hugs

Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 10:29am
Thank you for your answers and support. I feel like i am totally loosing my mind. I have the support from my family and friends but i have realized I am starting to push them away and tell them "Whatever". I have lost myself. I went to a new counselor once and she was great. I have talked to the shelter a few times. I just want to run away or something. I am so lost thanks for eveyones support,. I will call the local shelter during my lunch hour and let youknow what they say. Thanks