Just the start of my story. Getting it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Just the start of my story. Getting it!
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 8:39pm
Hello, Here is my story although I don’t know where to start much less what board to

post on.

I was molested as a child by a family member, raped and very “easy” as a teen until

I got pregnant at 15 and was out of my house and with my H at 17.....pregnant again.

Now, my oldest is 15.....but this is just the beginning. My husband and I have had a very

shady marriage. First drug abuse, then him cheating numerous times. Once was with at the

time my “best friend”. Another time he cheated with a girl 18 and he was 26. It made me

sick but I ended up talking to this girl and finding out just what a scum his part was in the

whole affair thing.....He was in the Navy and although I only know for sure he has cheated

on me 3 times, Im sure it was more. He has been emotionally, verbally, physically abusive

to me. Not ALL the time but on and off for the last 14 years.

Last year (to make a very long story short) I had an affair with my best friends

husband. Now as crazy as it sounds, I truly loved her. She was a great friend and was with

me when my last son was born. My H and her H were stationed on the same ship together.

Im not exactly sure what happened but I know for the last year I have beat myself up

about why? how? what happened? I think as my H and I had problems and they got

REALLY bad, I drew closer to hers. We were a perfect pair for complaining and bashing

each others spouses.

Now this is where I have the problem. My (EX-bestfriend) if you would call her

that, and I talked after this affair happened. He was supposed to come to where I lived and

I was so ANGRY that he backed out that I told her much of everything that happened.

We talked for several months but actually the only thing it accomplished was me and MM

talking again. I am in every way guilty of all my charges. I have betrayed, broke

NC..........all of that...

This MM’s wife showed me Ivillage and for the last few months I have been

surfing and going back and fourth between Ending the Affair and Betrayed Spouses. Not

to “spy on her” but truly have learned so much reading both sides. For a LONG time I just

could not understand how all of this happened. How could I be such a monster and I

especially felt bad for the six kids that are involved. I have been a BETRAYED SPOUSE

and I have also had to figure out how to END AN AFFAIR. I mean end an A......not just

NC but end feelings and questions for good. That was really hard for me......and Im just

“selfishly” talking about my feelings being sorted out. Not my kids, H......and Every one

else that was involved. Not to mention the fact that when I decided to let my H move back

in, my mother took my oldest daughter from us. (I had never adopted her back from when

I was 16 and my parents could give her military benefits) Actually as it stands now, I am

allowed no contact with her at all. NC with my own daughter for a snowball that stemmed

from something that I had my hand in. For months I felt incredibly bad for MM’s wife and

especially the kids. It got to the point that I felt like I didn’t even want to live because so

much was going on at home and in my head that I just could not function.

Now, MM’s wife does post on Ivillage and it probably has not helped that I have

been bashed to no end, put on the front page of Oprah (the story is so good) Bashed about

not only having an A and being a homewrecker but personally too. Bashed about me not

being a good house keeper, accused of being a manipulator, liar, sitting by the phone

waiting for MM to call me because I am so desperate to be with him........Whatever.

I know you all are saying by now that I should not have read the post if they hurt

me but I learned so much reading both sides and had MUCH self control to never post my

opinion. I did not post my opinion because I did not feel like I had a rite to give advice if I

was such a mess myself. Like I said, I have been a betrayed spouse, and had to end an A

and reading both sides opened my eyes WIDE open. The betrayed spouses hardly ever put

blame on H because he is being “honest” now.....and the OW is just plain nuts. I have read

about restraining orders and websites to show you that even if you were to confront the

OW....this is how it would sound.....I don’t agree with everything. 9 times out of 10 I

promise she is telling the truth and he is covering his a@@. On the ending the A board, I

sit and read heartrentching stories of woman who have been deceived, lied to, promised

things, and just can not understand what happened. Fence sitting, cakeman,........all of it.

Fortunately I had an opportunity to finally put some closure to this mess. There

were so many things being thrown around and hurtful things said that finally MM and the

OW came to a mutual agreement that not only would this never work but we could not be

friends. It hurt for a minute but really after everything was put on the table it all made

sense. I had no more questions. Actually everything his W complained about was

true.....well, almost everything......and I realized it was just time to move on. I can not say

that never in my entire life I will talk to him again but I do not plan on it. I do know that

words were thrown back and forth between MM’s W and me the other day and for the

first time I felt nothing, almost sorry for her that she is still so angry and absorbed in

something that she can not change. I was called a DRAMA queen and I had to laugh

because she has not only got me to B*^$%& about but now a new friend with new

problems. I just asked her to PLEASE change her name because my H would love nothing

more than to read all of her BS. It puts me in danger and my kids. Hopefully she will get

it!

I have moved on, as you all know it is not easy and some days are better than

others. I just want you to know that even if people are not posting they are reading and It

helps......helps more than I can say. Thank you all for being open and honest, just please

keep an open mind and ALWAYS remember there is two sides to EVERY story!

MOVINONFOREVER