big long sigh

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
big long sigh
4
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 2:30pm
Well, he went out drinking with his gf (am assuming he was with his friends initially and then she insisted to join them on their "boys night" as she usually does. i know he does NOT enjoy going out with her because she watches him "like a hawk". he cant speak to anyone, esp not females.)

He sent me a text message saying "i hate my life". I asked him what was wrong, but there was no reply back. I got a little worried and a couple of hours later I decided to give him a call. He picked it up but said nothing to me, but i heard his voice and other peoples voices. I assume (I assume alot!)that he was letting me know that he was ok but couldnt talk by letting me hear his voice. I was relieved when i heard he was with people still, so I went to bed. Next morning I see a message from him saying "Sorry I didnt answer, the b*itch is watching me, dont reply to me". she was monitoring him and would have thrown an absolute fit if she'd seen me, a female, calling or sending a message.

I am SO worried about his state of mind, his spirit has died, he's become more cynical and cold and he gives up trying to break up with her. I think he was a little depressed before her (his alcoholic father - who has repeatedly tried to strangle his wife - just died from falling down the stairs and breaking his skull this christmas) and she is NOT helping the situation. I mean, just weeks after his father is buried she attacks him and beats him in a jealous rage.

I feel so helpless, like I am trying to communicate with a brick wall. He doesnt believe that he can get away from her, and it's like he is trying to convince himself that this is "ok", "all relationships have problems, nobodys perfect". He tells me he hates his life, and then acts as if he never said it, because its hard to talk about "i'm fine, no problem", and I feel like I am a broken record, trying to help someone who doesnt want my help at all.

hope you've all had a great day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: missiceland
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 2:55pm

Give him the link for the board.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
In reply to: missiceland
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 3:58pm
Thanks blueliner

yeah I have been thinking about giving him the link into this board, and i've been trying to find articles online and show them to him. Even if its just to a list of the warning signs of abuse, but I dont want to overflood him with it, he'll get defensive AND I also must to admit that I'm a little worried he wont be thrilled that i'm "talking about him" and his situation to others... even if this is online and I'm talking to people that dont know either of us. AND I've said things here about him that I'm not sure I want him to see yet. selfish of me to think that way and trying to save my own a** ! Hey I can't be an altruist all the time! lol

where are these males on this board btw, what are there usernames? It would be interesting to hear their stories, how the abuse started, what it ended in etc, and how they got out of it

Again, thanks for your reply blueliner, you're a star!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: missiceland
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 4:12pm

Well, the best known is our big blue loveable furball Buffphone, aka Buff-Buff.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
In reply to: missiceland
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 10:41am
Thanks! I browsed around and did find his name mentioned in some older posts, but didnt see his actual posts. I'll keep browsing through!

I didn't think of it that way, but maybe you're right. I'll give him the link into the board.

Enjoy your weekend!