Wish

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wish
2
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 11:00am
I wish we could take a pin and prick them and let out all the hot air when we can sense they are "building up" to another blow up/hissy fit. Boy and they think women are hot heads! I'm having to work sometimes 15 hours a day helping the legislature put a budget together, and it's going to build up to a head, get really bad for about a week, then it stops dead. This is about my 5th or 6th time to help them do it - so it's nothing new to me. It's about my dh's 3rd time to go through it with me, but he's "stuck" home taking care of our 2 1/2 y.o. darling dd - who I told him one time he should kiss the ground every day and thank god that we have her....Anyways, I know he's tired and it's stressful, but we enjoy a good income because of it - I make about 20,000 a year more than him, and I put it all into our joint checking account and we make joint decisions on how it's spent, etc. He blew up last night, though, because I dared to ask them if they missed me - feeling insecure, etc. and instead of being understanding he blows up and says "Yes, g.d., we do! I told him he didn't have to cuss about it and that he makes me feel like a real burden sometimes. They know how they are supposed to act, and what an appropriate response is to such a question, but they choose not to act right unless forced to. Maddening! Constructive suggestions are welcome...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: chic45
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 10:21pm
Hi chic...It's too bad that he doesn't enjoy this

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: chic45
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 10:30am
I couldn't have said it better myself, and thank you - I totally agree with all you said. He can be really nice sometimes, but I never know when that's going to be. I've done the best I could to take care of them at home - left work at 5 last night and spent the whole night with both of them - and let the housework slide (except the trash and a couple of loads of laundry - I won't let that go). His dad is even worse - his mom has end stage renal disease, and just had a heart attack, and his dad is so selfish he went on a vacation trip - even when she was in the hospital!! - and told his 40 year old daughter - who is single with a 10 year old child and also a hospice nurse - that it was her responsibility to take care of her mother. And I'm working Session - lots of long hours, so we couldn't be much help. In other words - what a jerk. My dh grew up with his dad constantly screaming at his 3 kids - and he was a child abuse detective! Fortunately his grandmother lived just a few doors down - and flat out told her son to shut up and quit treating those kids that way - and they stayed alot with their grandmother. No excuse, but that's the roots of my dh's problems....

Yes, I called the shelter here and talked to a legal advocate who was wonderful. She said as long as we're living together that I have just as much right to our child as he does, and by all means even if he is threatening to call the police to take her and leave if I feel it's not safe for her - if he's throwing an absolute fit, which he hasn't done in awhile. I think I shocked dh the other night when we were having a heated discussion, and I said "Here's a clue - I'M the one who wants a divorce!" I hate to threaten him like that, but I had absolutely had enough - he hasn't thrown a fit in the morning right before we go to work since.

Sorry this is so long - better get back to work. He did take dd to McDonald's yesterday when I had to work and actually went inside and let her eat her whole meal in there - including a big ice cream cone. 90% of the time he is ok, it's just the other 10% that I think is really stupid!