What the ...!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2004
What the ...!
2
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 5:03am
Help me out with this one folks. My DH has been a real jerk for the last month. Refuses to keep up with his stuff around the house and calls names/threatens divorce whenever I ask him to. Flips out when I wake him up to watch our 4YO (he works nights). Has threatened to throw things at me. Is being physical with our son. Typical stuff he has done on several occasions in the past, though certainly from an emotional aspect things are much worse than they have ever been.

I've spent the last month figuring out how I would handle being a single mother of three.

Now, all of the sudden he's decided he "doesn't want to divorce." Wants to make up (have sex, that's my interpretation) Agrees to talk about "our problems" but gets pissed when I point out that he has been nasty and abusive, AGAIN. Seems like he wants me to just forget it and get on with things. I really don't want to this time.

What's up with that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
In reply to: mgnorth
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 8:57am
It's a cycle watch for the repetition. He'll be nice for awhile, than he won't be as nice but not mean, then he'll start being mean agian, then fight, then nice again. I don't know if this is what you mean but that what it seems to me, I just know from personal experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
In reply to: mgnorth
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 9:35am
I agree, it's part of the cycle, and he probably wants something from you. In my experience it's either sex or to stay married. My X still does the same thing. He called last night and apologized for "losing his temper" so many times while we were married, and said that if I ever wanted to talk then I should give him a call. I'm assuming his biggest reasons for this are 1) he can't currently find a woman willing to date him and 2) he has realized how different military life is for the single vs. the married with a family. He lost a LOT of benefits, gets called for duty at the last minute (since he's single he doesn't need as long as notice as someone with a family), and gets sent overseas frequently. So his job would be much easier if he could snag me again. However, he's been making these same comments off and on since we got divorced, and when he was visiting in October he was helping me haul some old furniture to good will, and got so pissed off about something trivial he jumped out of my truck while it was driving. Not being married anymore I just made sure the door got shut and kept driving and left him there which actually felt good <>. So he hasn't actually changed, in most cases it's just all part of the cycle.