I filed . . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I filed . . . .
9
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 10:48am
My H has pulled some pretty nasty things on me lately, and I have finally gotten to the point to where I can't go back. You know, there's only so many things you can forgive or overlook - I was beginning to wonder if I would ever come to that point. Also, the threats of divorce every time he got mad for the past 27 years I've heard for the last time. I wonder if he was always as big of a liar as he is now or if I just ignored a lot of it??? Honestly, I don't believe anything he says anymore.

He hasn't been served his papers yet. I filed late Friday, one of our sons was home for the weekend, so he should get his papers within the next couple of days.

Right now I'm doing fine. Not had any of the panic attacks or sick stomachs like normal. However, I do know times will be rough, so I hope you ladies will be there for me.

Hugs,

Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: jthomer
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 11:28am
Jackie, you know you have my support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: jthomer
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 11:42am

OMG!


First I get e-mooned (LOL!), now this!

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
In reply to: jthomer
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 11:40pm
Wow, ditto on the surprises today!

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: jthomer
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 8:41am
Jackie~

Major BIG HUGS!!!!!! Seeing that I just filed myself, I *know* what it is you are going through and will go through. I, myself, am having a difficult time because of my h's reaction. He's not angry (not yet anyway)...in fact, he's making all these "changes" and its just ripping me apart...but there has been so many years of awful treatment, so many years of waiting, hoping and praying that I will never be able to overcome with him. He's even made an appointment to see a therapist and is willing to enter into a Batterer's Intervention group. I told him that these are great and wonderful things, but NOT to expect these changes to make me change my mind...my mind is made up. I keep telling him that he needs to do this for HIM and for his daughters...that its up to him to deal with his own stuff, not me.

I cut my h a break, one that he DOES NOT really deserve, but am doing to avoid any further reprecussions....I allowed him a couple of weeks before he is served so it gives him time to seek out a lawyer. My lawyer gave me a list of 6 other lawyers that won't do a "cashectomy" on him....so I'm hoping that he picks a good one, not a shark. But if he does, I'm gearing up for a battle.

In the meantime, I'm *trying* to move forward....gathering further financial information and plan to go to DV support group on Thursday. I'm trying hard to stay focused on the things I need to do, but find myself unfocused much of the time....but I suppose that is to be expected.

Stay strong...you can do this, as well as I. I got your back.....

There is a quote I came upon today by Sigmund Freud that says

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful"

Look at all the years we've struggled...and SURVIVED....WE are going to be incredibly STRONG AND POWERFUL WOMEN when we are done with this. And I believe that we will see that all these years spent in these awful marriages will contain some silver linings.

Much love and peace to you.

dharma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jthomer
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 3:29pm
I have been so depressed, then on the other hand so 'relieved'. There are times I feel like crying - I do cry - then times I look forward to the future. The thing that gets me most is that he says 'nobody should live like he has. He's going to start him a new, good life'. The truth is I have given up my life for him. He's tried to fulfill every dream he ever had at my expense. But like good friends have pointed out to me, why should I expect him to say anything else. He certainly is never going to think he's at fault. After all the years of stitches, bruises, black eyes and broken items, he tells that I beat on him and tear his things up!!

I am very disgusted with myself that I've let him do this to me all these years. I'm really upset he keeps getting the kids involved, too. I'm just going to sit back, let him say what he does and keep loving and being with my kids.

Thanks to all of you for being there. Many of you have been there for almost 2 years for me, and I love every one of you out there very much!

Hugs,

Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: jthomer
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 3:40pm

Aw...(passes Kleenex after Irish takes a few more)


Let him play the victim, because the longer he does it the more people will not want to listen to his one note whine.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
In reply to: jthomer
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 3:53pm
Sorry, Jackie & Gabby -- I think I emptied the box. Hold on a second . . . . . . there, I opened a new one for ya! ;oD

Love & Hugs,

Emm

Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
In reply to: jthomer
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 6:37pm
Hey there Lady. I am joining in with the others to let you know that I am SO proud of this amazing step and also want to offer my encouragement, support and friendship during this rollercoaster of emotions. I am not at all surprised by his comments and, as you know, I heard many of those same things when I made the decision to leave. Perception is reality and these guys perceive, in their warped little minds, a very different reality than we do. The best revenge of all is to carry on, tall and proud and live well. Soon the harsh reality will dawn on your STBX when he wakes up years from now just as miserable as he has always been. It will drive the point home when he sees how well you are living (without him).~~gentle hugs my friend...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2001
In reply to: jthomer
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 7:12am
Jackie,

In your heart I believe you know you did the right thing. This has been going on a long time. He will never admit he was wrong or that it was his fault or say he's sorry. As AZMommy said in his warped mind his version of reality is not the same as the reality you lived. Which is very scary, and drives home the point that you really need to be gone and begin anew. A new start a new day. You will get thru this, you will heal. All the past bruises, stiches and tears will fade. They may leave a trace behind like a scar, but I find my own private scars aren't so painful over time. I'm back in therapy again cause now I'm at a different place in my healing journey, and thats what it is - a healing journey.

One day at a time one moment at a time you will walk thru this. You will do what needs to be done, you will have us with you in spirit. You have my support and prayers, I am with you in spirit.

This week has been crazy for me. I'm too busy, I started school 2 classes a night, I have a book drive going on at work for underpriviliged children in jersey city. Full time job, mother, girl friend (new guy! imagine that!!) recovering alcholic must attend meetings. I'm beat I'm tired I am. But.. What I'm trying to say is. I'm Happy! I'm complete. I'm ok. I've gotten thru the nightmare, I'm divorced, I cried, I am healing one moment one day one baby step at a time.

YOU WILL TOO!!! I'm so proud of you. You are a miracle, you are wonderful, don't listen to his sickness.

Talk to you soon.

Cathy