Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Confused
3
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 5:24pm
I am confused!! And I don't know what to do. I am engaged to and living with my fiance. We have been together for almost 2 years. We constantly fight because of the things that I do. My best friend and I cannot do anything without him acting suspicious. He questions me when I get home and calls me when I am gone. Just recently he was angry at me and forced me to stay in the bedroom, then threw me down on the bed and held me down. This has happened twice before. He has punched the wall and thrown the telephone. I am to the point of moving out. I was married to an abusive husband for 9 years and do not want to live that way again. I don't know why I end up with men like this. Why do they have to control me? I am not a bad person!! My self-esteem is in the toilet. I do not feel that I can ever trust a man again! I always end up with somebody that wants to control my life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: aneokly
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 5:47pm

Hi Aneokly and welcome -


First off, just take a breath.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2004
In reply to: aneokly
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 10:58pm
While I'm not necessarily in the position to be giving advice, as I'm in a bit of a muddled state myself these days, it seems that now, rather than later, would be the best time to get out of the situation. My H and I have been together for nearly 10 years and he did similar things from the very beginning. His reasons changed, but the flipping out didn't. I have two wonderful daughters as a result of staying with him, so it's hard for me to say I wish I would have left, however it would have been a lot easier, and healthier for me, to do so then than have to make such a decision now. Just my 2 cents. Or maybe three. Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
In reply to: aneokly
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 5:27am
Aneokly,

My cousin gave me a book to read called "What Smart Women Know." Since I have yet to even think about dating someone I read it, but didn't really "read" it. Just reading your post though, I am going to read it again. It is a short book and has alot of information in it that can help anyone on this board when they are contemplating a relationship. She was married to an abuser and now is remarried to a wonderful guy. She said that this book helped her alot when she got back out into the dating world.

Also, see how much wiser you are now questioning whether you fiance is abusive? You wouldn't have done that before. So you're getting there. Don't settle for less than you deserve!!

Terry