Went to my first support group.....
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Went to my first support group.....
| Fri, 03-26-2004 - 5:09am |
My h is just confusing the heck out of me...and its sending into such an emotional rollercoaster, that I decided to finally attend one of the support groups. Including myself, there were 4 new comers to the group. Speaking about it was harder then I thought it would be for some reason....BUT, it was the first time I was able to cry in front of people who I KNOW would understand and reassure me that I am NOT crazy. I told all the ladies there about ivillage and this board, since some of them, like myself, are still with their abuser and can't always make it to a group....so, I hope they make it here at least. I also told them about Lundy Bancroft's book, which NONE of them heard of...I was telling them that they really should pick it up...its like my BIBLE these days!!!
still have a tough time these days....now that my h is seeking out lawyers and seeing how much its going to cost him and divide what little he has, he's coming across as such a sad sack.....and its so hard to maintain this stance of "this is what I want".
I also called my old job back and they are willing to take me back....but it was a very stressful job for low pay (but a REALLY REALLY cool job)...I said I would shoot for June 1st start date. This way, I can complete my Masters and continue to job hunt...AND if I find a higher paying job I will take it, and if not, I have something to fall back on.
I'm taking all the right steps but I feel so weak and sad inside. I feel like I'm crumbling inside. :-(
dharma

You are doing the right thing. Hang in there. Yes, of course he wants to appear the sad sack, that is another of their tactics. It is how my dh hooked me. As I look back, it is clear as day to me. They won't see it though, they are the "victim" - they are the one you are leaving and I can hear them saying "see, poor me, she is leaving me and what did I do? Nothing". Build you wall, don't let him in. See it for what it is.
You are a step removed from him - you are doing it! keep doing it. We are here for you, just as you told the ladies at the support group that we would be here for them, we are here for you. Don't let your feelings of sorrow for his sad sack hold you back - let them convince you that your on the right path - really - you (we) should only be doing what we want to do not something that we do because someone is making us feel badly for them because they are "so poor, so sad, so hurt so (fill in blank with anything)"
Don't let it be about him. Yep - he's a sad sack alright, but that isn't your responsibility. It is a choice he makes even if he doesn't realize it's a choice he has.
Your in my thoughts,
Pam
Try to remember the reason you're here and the reason you filed in the first place. He's putting on an act for you right now. I'm sure you can remember what actor these guys are. I guarantee if you drop what you're doing right now and decide to go back with him things will be just as sad and miserable for you as they were before - actually, I'm pretty sure they would be even worse.
You are doing the right thing. If he were 'normal', he wouldn't have done what he's done to you the last 7 years - when he saw he was hurting you he would've stopped. Now, he's going to lose the control so he's got to put on a show for you until he gets you back. Then it would start all over again.
Hang in there!
Hugs,
Jackie