I'd like some input . . . .
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| Fri, 03-26-2004 - 8:43am |
Anyway, this time I'm not happy, but I seem kind of content. I don't wake up in the mornings with that sick feeling. My back isn't hurting and I don't feel that tense, stressed-out feeling in my scalp all the time. I'm so surprised at how well I'm doing. Like I said, I'm not jumping for joy, but it's like a peace has come over me. I'm furious at him for the lies and the way he's done, but it's just different. I've had a couple of people to say, "well, good, but it will hit you sometime". I wish they wouldn't say that to me. I know it's very possible and likely, but it's like I'm sitting and waiting for a bomb to go off.
Do you think maybe I've just finally had enough? Am I in denial? Maybe I've grieved continually for the past 27 years and I'm just grieved-out. I just don't understand that I'm doing as well as I am. Anybody got any comments?
Hugs,
Jackie

Nope, not in denial....you hit your breaking point and once you reach that point, there is NO turning back....like I say to my h "its done, done, done". For me it took 15 years...despite the difficulty I do have right now with his tactics, I still know deep down that this is the right thing to do and I've done all I could. Everyone hits that point at different times....some at a few years, some at 25+years.
You are doing as well as you are because you finally realized that you are someone of value and you DON'T deserve his treatment of you.
big hugs...keep plugging away!
dharma
There are times I feel guilty because I am doing so well. Meanwhile, his life is ending, everything is so hard for him to get through each day, his life is awful! We've been separated for 14 months, you'd think he'd get it already. I haven't filed for divorce yet due to other circumstances, but will be definitely before the end of this year - maybe he'll file first and save me the trouble.
Keep the focus on YOU, your life and your goals. At some point you may have to greive the ending of your marriage and the dreams you had wrapped up in it. When that time comes, accept it for what it is, lean here if you need to and cry your heart out knowing you are exactly where you are meant to me. You are a Survivor and will get through anything Life hands you. We all have to experience pain in order to grow. Don't stress out over waiting for it to come, live your life how you want and if/when it happens, let it flow through you and welcome it because it means you are healing.
One of the daily meditation books that I read daily that helps me is *The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie. You can actually go online to hazeldon.org and sign up for a daily email for Today's Thought. They did it here for a little while, that's how I found out about it. She is wonderful author and I've healed and grown so much from the daily readings.
Take care and know that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
hugs, jenny
I haven't been around here in ages and ages, and I just read your post, and I am so happy and proud of you that you finally made it out. This time you are going to make it I think, you sound so much stronger and sure of yourself now. Keep it up honey!!!
Love you
Jo
It's only been 4 years for me, but I have broken up with Sean three times and gone back. I feel the same way now that you do. I was engaged, planning the wedding, thinking of kids and when he lost it that last time, I saw what it would be like for me and for my future children. I miss him sometimes, but I finally realized that this is the best thing for me. I don't cry all night, I sleep better than when he was here. I'm sure you will continue to do well because you decided that this is it. You have a wonderful life ahead and you aren't going to let him rule it anymore. Good for you.
Jen
It does sound like you've had enough, jthomer.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou