separation papers via internet
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| Wed, 05-05-2004 - 10:02pm |
I went to look at an apartment today for income restrictions and, since I'm on the deed with the house and we own our home, it's an asset. Therefore, I have to file legal separation papers in order to be considered since it's income restricted. That's all I can afford. It's somewhat of a letdown though. My mind is working, however. I need to get out of here. He's willing somedays to pay. Then I guess he sleeps on it over night and gets irate. Like last night. Says the savings is all his if he's going to pay me. He thinks it's spousal support. I need to clue him in that it will be child support, even though we'll share custody.
Does anybody no anything about this? If he keeps getting irate with me, I'm going to make his life a miserable hell! He's pushing me, yet I was very calm last night when he was saying all these nasty things about me. Made me sound like some stealing b*tch.
Daughter was ok with this today. She talked to a friend who has been thru the same thing. She actually sounded happy for a change, but dad wasn't home tonight. Last night I was the b*tch for even considering an apartment.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou
Might I suggest something, that might seem a bit in oppositional to posting here, how about slowing down and thinking this out. I am NOT implying that you do not need to get out or that this marriage is NOT abusive (because it is)...but I think that unless the marriage is SEVERELY abusive (i.e. being kept prisoner, literally or extreme physical abuse) one needs to be cautious and try very hard to think the process out.
How is this done? Support groups and dv counselors. Talking to lawyers. Reading, reading, reading. Right now, I see reacting on your part. *I* completely understand this. Once I recognized the abuse, I did some reacting like "hell, no I'm not tolerating this anymore" and found things intensified a bit...until I talked to my counselor who helped me navigate this process.
First things first: make some appointments with attorneys, some who provide free initial consulations. The first time you go, you will have NO idea what to ask (unless you start reading some stuff) but every time you make another appointment, you gain more knowledge and therefore can make more knowledgeable inquiries. Just because you cannot afford a lawyer does not mean anything...you can get your h to pay your legal fees (just one possibility)
It sounds like, too, (and I could be WAY off base) you are asking permission to use "his savings"....honey, that's EQUAL MARITAL PROPERTY and you are ENTITLED TO HALF. Doesn't matter what HE wants to do...most states, but not all, have some form of equitable distribution---and if you have been a sahm for 15 years, most judges will rule in YOUR favor.
Do NOT make his life miserable.....he will most likely only retaliate---damaging to you and damaging to your dd. Again, I cannot push enough the importance of a counselor and a group.
good luck....keep posting...keep reading.
big hugs
dharma