Hanging by a thread...advise PLEASE

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Hanging by a thread...advise PLEASE
2
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 2:56am
OK big deep breath...I am new here and I have so much to talk about so I'll start at the begining ....I have been with my husband for 14 years in total (I am 30) we have two girls together and did have a year's separation when my first daughter was 3 (she is 10 now) it took a year for him to wear me down. Looking back I didn't think he was abusive just a passionate person what a joke! He was emotionally destructive he would break my things and scream at me. It all stopped after we got back together and things went along smoothly. We got engaged and married bought a house life was good...then 6 months after getting married we had a huge fight and he gave me a black eye. I felt so stupid for getting back with him and felt ashamed. I never left he went to my parents and told them he was suppose to get some help...never happened.

He promised me it would never happen again. I have been reading up about the cycle and we had our honeymoon period for about 6 years ...things where fine well sort of it occurred to me very recently that he had actually been emotionally abusing me for a long time I just didn't see it. You see my husband is a the nice guy 90% of the time but when he gets angry which takes alot he explodes that's what so hard to deal with.

He will say sure go and do that or buy that or whatever and then as soon as he is angry about whatever all this crud that has annoyed him from the last argument comes pooring out of his mouth this can be weeks or months in between. I have told him that I will not live on egg shells I don't believe him anymore I keep waiting for him to throw stuff back at me.

Anyway this all came to ahead about a month ago he lost it and slammed our clock into the beside table and then walked around the bed and punched our bedroom door 5 times putting

about 3 huge holes in it...I made him leave eventually after threatening to show our daughters what he had done not that I would but it was all I could think of to get him to leave.

Soooo the worst part is we had a huge 17day family trip planned and we could't cancel so off we went and had a great time,the girls had so much fun!We all did but I am now home and he is off to abuse councelling tonight and I have this huge aching in my heart that things will not change he is still fundamentally the same person underneath. WHY can't he be horrible all the time it would make the decision to leave so much easier. ohhhh I forgot to mention 18 months ago I was diagnosed with Chron's disease (inflammatory bowel disease)so I have been through hell with my health and getting up and facing the day is an achievement these days....how do I find the strenght to get thorugh this.............

I feel numb....I am so sad............



Life went on and his

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 2:06pm

Hi there and welcome -


Boy, can I identify with you (and not just about being 30, my birthday's in less than 2 weeks).

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:53am

Welcome to the board, hurtylots.

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you