Is it abuse or one time thing?
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Is it abuse or one time thing?
| Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:43am |
Hello everyone. This is my first time posting on recommendation of the depression support message board. I have been going through rough times with my husband, due to depression, social anxiety disorder and PTSD. On Mother's Day we took a turn never gone down before. We were in the car on the way home when my husband and I started a stupid fight. Next thing I knew he was calling me a psycho insane b*. He kept repeating it and I hit him in the arm telling him to stop. He kept repeating it. I hit him in the arm again and then slapped him on the mouth. He in turn, backhanded in the mouth and next thing I knew blood was everywhere. I ended up busting the inside of my lip and we went home to try and stop the bleeding. Two hours went by and still bleeding as well as big hole in my lip. Called my clinic and was advised that I needed stitches and to go to an ER room. I did that and ended up with three stitches in my mouth. He apologized for a couple days and swore he has never hit a woman before and would never do it again, that he felt guilty. Is this possible. I have an appointment Monday to be assessed and start day treatment therapy for three hours a day. Can he change without any help or could it get worse? Please advise.
Jennifer

It was certainly abuse - is it possible to be a one time thing? I wouldn't count on it. He needs to learn how to control his anger, there is never a reason to call someone you love horrible names and then to backhand you. You reacted to HIS verbal abuse of you. What did he think you were going to do? Agree??? Of course you stood up for yourself and when he continued to push your buttons, you reacted. That was all he needed to then react to you and try to say that you started it. AND he won't get it. Go ahead, ask him if he thinks he was truly at fault? But better than words, watch his actions. They will let you know.
I was told when I first came to the board, if I "thought" it was abuse, then it was. It is how it is receieved and if when you tell them you don't like the way are treating you, then continue, then they are harassing you and that is abuse.
Read as much as you can, post here about anything you may question. You will get wonderful and postive support.
AND keep documentation of this incident - you may need it later.
Hugs,
ples
It looks like he has been verbally abusive before this. What was the cause of the "stupid fight?" And no, there is NEVER any reason for him to so viciously insult you, NEVER. Some will say that you hit him first (please laugh at this) No woman could make me hit her by hitting me on the arm. The only way I would ever fight a woman is if it were someone I didn't know in a surprise attack meant to do great bodily harm to me or someone I love or heck, even a stranger if I were there. (I spent 3 1/2 years in Shotokan training and I got hit a lot, lol) I could never stand by and watch anyone attack another (that's why abusers do it in secret or use verbal/emotional abuse, they don't want anyone to see how sick and weak they truly are)
In law enfocement I have seen couples who fight. It's not right. No one has to put up with it, period. You have rights, exercize them, please. I see that you are emotionally down and having bad times. One who loves you will help as much as they can, but they will never intentionally hurt. And for those who blame their "wild temper, booze, or job, or any other EXCUSE, that's total BS!"
Like the other write said, way, be wary and document. If it ain't on paper it never happened, was what a judge told me once. And if needed, make a police report, even if you don't want to press charges yet, you may have to, one day. It's an "incident" report. Be prepared.
God bless
Gotta go, he's getting up from his nap.
Jennifer
I told her that she may not have to worry about leaving him. Years in prison will do that for her. I wish I could do more for her and others. But I do what I can. This guy is totally psycho. He hit her so hard during the Holidays that he drove the shank of her glassed into the side of her face. He emptied her bank account. She left him 2 times since December 2003 and went back both times. She brough tapes from his answering machine to local law, I heard them. He cussed and threatend her, threatened to cut up and destroy everything she had left there, called her every name in the book and ended the three hour tirade in a (sick and what he thought was a pitiful voice) saying he was going to have a nervous breakdown! After she told me this, I did my best to reassure her and when she left, I am sorry, but what I heard from him made me laugh myself silly. It's like the ones who say "If you leave, I'm gonna kill myself." Now understand, I have been in law enforcement for a long time and my standard reply is "Wait, gotta get my camcorder first." Did you know that out of all of the abusers in the last 10 years, nation-wide, only 1 has actually killed himself. And he was truly psycho and probably would have done it anyway. At least he didn't kill her. You know, you cannot stop someone from acting, but you can be real smart and be prepared beforehand.
I wish you the best and God bless. I'm here if you need me.
(Oh you do have the right to use the computer too)